I know my blogs tend toward the darker, or more somber and serious side of life. But I think I try to point out the "silver lining" around the dark clouds, to give hope where there may seem to be little or no hope. The following is a good example of good coming from something that has little or no appearance of good.
We recently butchered all of our Buff Orpington chickens because they were not being very good layers. As an experiment of sorts we decided to get 25 "spent hens" from a chicken farm nearby that was getting rid of their layers because production was starting to decline. There are quite a few of these confinement chicken barns around here, owned by Amish Mennonites. The farmer I work for owns one and I am often called upon to help out with his chicken chores. To me, it is a travesty to raise any animal in the kind of confined conditions that most farm animals are raised in these days. Although the conditions may technically be called "humane", the fact that egg production begins to fall after only eighteen months is an indicator that these chickens are under unusually stressful conditions. (Normally a healthy hen should be able to maintain egg laying capabilities for at least twice that length of time.) A friend had told us that we could buy chickens, cheap, from one of these operations that were getting ready to ship out their "spent hens", and that these hens could still continue to be productive for about another 6 months. So we decided to give it a try.
Most of these spent hens truly look spent. They are the sorriest hens you'd ever want to see. Most of their beautiful tail feathers are gone, as well as the feathers around their necks and elsewhere, giving them an almost naked appearance. Well, we were able to pick out some of the nicer looking ones of the bunch, but as my sister-in-law commented when she saw them, "they didn't look quite right."
But we were so encouraged when these 25 hens laid 14 or 15 eggs the first day, and since then have laid over 20 eggs in a single day. And this is almost the middle of November when the days are getting shorter and the colder. Normally, egg production drops at this time of the year, but ours was increasing. The phrase, getting a "new lease on life," was certainly applicable to these hens. At first their egg yolks were typically pale like the store-bought kind. But after a couple of weeks of being out in the fresh air and sun, and eating greens from the pasture, their yolks turned a nice, bright orange. It was truly fun to see these confinement raised hens, at first hesitant and uncertain about being outside in the bright sunlight, turn into birds that couldn't wait to get out every morning and begin begin their day with all the sun, fresh air and greens they could get.
So, to all you "spent hens" out there . . . there is hope! There indeed can be life after "confinement"!
[Yahweh] said to me, "You are my servant . . .
in whom I will display my splendor."
But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing . . ."
This is what Yahweh says:
"In the time of my favor I will answer you,
and in the day of salvation I will help you . . .
to restore the land
and to reassign its desolate inheritances,
to say to the captives, 'Come out,'
and to those in darkness, 'Be free!'"
. . . But Zion said, "Yahweh has forsaken me,
the Lord has forgotten me."
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!"
(Isaiah 49:1-16)
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
deliberate neglect
As I was preparing a seedbed yesterday to plant a small nursery of chestnut trees, the thought came to me that this plot of ground represented "deliberate neglect". I had grown vegetables there for several years and then had let it go fallow to give it a sabbath year of rest. Of course it was quite overgrown with weeds and it took a bit of effort to clear the weeds and get it ready for growing the chestnuts. But it was pleasing to see how nice and workable the soil was after allowing nature do her work. Although that patch of land looked untidy and unattractive, nevertheless something very beneficial and restorative was happening all along. Billions of micro-organisms, as well as insects, worms and nematodes had been at work, feeding on the decaying carbon matter as well as on each other, in an intricate give-and-take that characterizes every ecological niche of creation. And it all results in greater soil fertility and a structure that can more easily absorb and hold on to rainwater. The weeds that grew there not only added their above ground foliage to the carbon matter that would end up as humus, but their roots, left to rot below the surface also added nutrients and food for the micro-organisms that thrive below the surface of the soil and also contribute to its overall life and health. All these benefits, and more, from "deliberate neglect"!
What encouraged me the most, though, in considering these things, was to realize that I was seeing a picture or metaphor of how God has been working in my life. I could so easily become discouraged that "nothing is happening", that somehow I've missed God and my best years are behind me. When so much time passes without seeing any fulfillment of promises God has given in the past, doubt and discouragement can begin to eat away at one. It feels very much like deliberate divine neglect.
Is it possible, though, that just like the fallow ground that is overgrown with weeds and is looking anything but productive, that in reality something really is at work, unseen to our human eyes? Although death and decay is rampant in the ecosystem of the soil, that death is actually establishing the very foundation necessary for new life. I call it the oxymoronic nature of truth. To gain life one must give it up.
"Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it abides alone. But if it dies, it brings forth much fruit . . ."
"That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, . . . being made conformable unto his death . . ."
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me! . . . Into your hands I commit my spirit."
What encouraged me the most, though, in considering these things, was to realize that I was seeing a picture or metaphor of how God has been working in my life. I could so easily become discouraged that "nothing is happening", that somehow I've missed God and my best years are behind me. When so much time passes without seeing any fulfillment of promises God has given in the past, doubt and discouragement can begin to eat away at one. It feels very much like deliberate divine neglect.
Is it possible, though, that just like the fallow ground that is overgrown with weeds and is looking anything but productive, that in reality something really is at work, unseen to our human eyes? Although death and decay is rampant in the ecosystem of the soil, that death is actually establishing the very foundation necessary for new life. I call it the oxymoronic nature of truth. To gain life one must give it up.
"Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it abides alone. But if it dies, it brings forth much fruit . . ."
"That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, . . . being made conformable unto his death . . ."
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me! . . . Into your hands I commit my spirit."
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
listen!
I've really appreciated James' exhortation to be "quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger" and I've been trying to improve along those lines. But I was caught up short recently when I unthinkingly cut my wife off by questioning one of my sons before she had finished saying something she was in the middle of saying. Immediately I could tell that this was very hurtful to her and even though I apologized it took awhile to mend the relationship. What was especially eye-opening to me was that my son told me that I had a habit of doing this, Ouch! Even though I can remember occasions in the past where I've interrupted or cut my wife off I never dreamed that this was actually a regular habit of mine, so much so that my son was calling me on it! I'm so glad he did because I really needed that wake up call!
But, consider this. Why did I need another male to tell me this for me to take it seriously? My wife has told me in the past that I have this tendency and I sort of took it seriously, but not as much as when my son told me the same thing. And it was my older brother, a medical doctor, who made me really take seriously the dysfunction I was experiencing in my marriage, although my wife had been telling me that for years. Why is it that we men have such a hard time seriously listening to our wives, that we don't give their words as much credence as we do the words of our male peers? If there's any place where we ought to be quick to listen and slow to speak it should be with our wives!
I'm convinced that listening to our wives is an important aspect of listening to God. If I have said this before in one of my blogs I don't mind repeating it because this is so important: God has given man two helpers: woman and the Holy Spirit. How well are we listening to them? They both tend to speak more quietly than the louder male authorities that we are so quick to acquiesce to. Like Elijah, we need to be reminded that God's preferred way of speaking is by a "still, small voice" more than by those louder means that males seem to prefer. Even if our wives should raise their voices with us, or fail to meet up to our standards of what we think they should meet up to before we'll take them seriously, ultimately the voice we need to be tuning in to is that of the Father. Are we listening . . . to Him . . . to His helpers . . . both of them?
But, consider this. Why did I need another male to tell me this for me to take it seriously? My wife has told me in the past that I have this tendency and I sort of took it seriously, but not as much as when my son told me the same thing. And it was my older brother, a medical doctor, who made me really take seriously the dysfunction I was experiencing in my marriage, although my wife had been telling me that for years. Why is it that we men have such a hard time seriously listening to our wives, that we don't give their words as much credence as we do the words of our male peers? If there's any place where we ought to be quick to listen and slow to speak it should be with our wives!
I'm convinced that listening to our wives is an important aspect of listening to God. If I have said this before in one of my blogs I don't mind repeating it because this is so important: God has given man two helpers: woman and the Holy Spirit. How well are we listening to them? They both tend to speak more quietly than the louder male authorities that we are so quick to acquiesce to. Like Elijah, we need to be reminded that God's preferred way of speaking is by a "still, small voice" more than by those louder means that males seem to prefer. Even if our wives should raise their voices with us, or fail to meet up to our standards of what we think they should meet up to before we'll take them seriously, ultimately the voice we need to be tuning in to is that of the Father. Are we listening . . . to Him . . . to His helpers . . . both of them?
Sunday, October 4, 2015
open letter to Dad
David Roy Jones August 24, 1925 - September 15, 2015
My Dad has experienced the ultimate stripping - the removal of his body of suffering. He has now entered in to his reward. This is the letter that I wrote to him after his death which I read at his memorial service.
Dad, you were many things to many people: a missionary statesman, el fundador de la radioemisora HRVC, "la voz evangelica de Honduras", a friend and servant to the university student missions movement, a faithful husband and father, someone committed to showing hospitality to foreigners (especially foreign students), a good organizer and administrator, and someone who never lost their sense of humor. I think Dr. Seuss had someone like you in mind, Dad, when he wrote about Horton the elephant. Like you, when Horton committed to something, no matter what happened, "he was faithful one hundred percent."
But Dad, I'm not going to put you up on a pedestal. I know you would not feel comfortable there. My appreciation and admiration of you was never diminished, but rather enhanced, by your ability to be transparent and straightforwardly honest about your flaws and failings. You never hid behind a facade of machismo or let the high esteem given you by others go to your head. You were a man of integrity, Dad - the same person at home and in your private life as you were in public.
Your faithfulness at letter-writing meant so much to me, Dad, especially when I left home to go to college and the years after. You were never rattled by my forays into non-traditional spirituality and lifestyle choices. Instead you encouraged open communication and a love that transcended our differences,
Above all these things, Dad, you gave me a foundation - a rock solid foundation, that I could build on and pass on to my own children and grandchildren. I am still testing and exploring that foundation, maybe in ways that you never would. But as you now know with perfect clarity, our Saviour - Yeshua Hamashiac (Jesus Christ) invites us to explore with all thoroughness the intricacies and intimacies of his love.
Thank you, for being my father. I am proud to be your son, I love you and will miss you.
My Dad has experienced the ultimate stripping - the removal of his body of suffering. He has now entered in to his reward. This is the letter that I wrote to him after his death which I read at his memorial service.
Dad, you were many things to many people: a missionary statesman, el fundador de la radioemisora HRVC, "la voz evangelica de Honduras", a friend and servant to the university student missions movement, a faithful husband and father, someone committed to showing hospitality to foreigners (especially foreign students), a good organizer and administrator, and someone who never lost their sense of humor. I think Dr. Seuss had someone like you in mind, Dad, when he wrote about Horton the elephant. Like you, when Horton committed to something, no matter what happened, "he was faithful one hundred percent."
But Dad, I'm not going to put you up on a pedestal. I know you would not feel comfortable there. My appreciation and admiration of you was never diminished, but rather enhanced, by your ability to be transparent and straightforwardly honest about your flaws and failings. You never hid behind a facade of machismo or let the high esteem given you by others go to your head. You were a man of integrity, Dad - the same person at home and in your private life as you were in public.
Your faithfulness at letter-writing meant so much to me, Dad, especially when I left home to go to college and the years after. You were never rattled by my forays into non-traditional spirituality and lifestyle choices. Instead you encouraged open communication and a love that transcended our differences,
Above all these things, Dad, you gave me a foundation - a rock solid foundation, that I could build on and pass on to my own children and grandchildren. I am still testing and exploring that foundation, maybe in ways that you never would. But as you now know with perfect clarity, our Saviour - Yeshua Hamashiac (Jesus Christ) invites us to explore with all thoroughness the intricacies and intimacies of his love.
Thank you, for being my father. I am proud to be your son, I love you and will miss you.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
stripped
The way I have come to look at life, especially my life, is to ask the question, " What is God up to?" As I ask myself this question these days the word that comes to mind is stripped. When I started blogging again this past June I used the metaphor of darkness to describe my situation. Before I share a few thoughts on being stripped I'd like to refer you to a Scripture I ran across that confirmed the truth that we (as believers) are indeed still in a station of life that can be described as darkness.
We have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention
to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in
your hearts. (2 Peter 1:19)
How can the morning star rise in our hearts if we are already full of light - if Jesus, who is the light of the world, lives within us? Is Peter aware of something that we as modern believers are blithely unaware of? Have we confused faith with presumption?
I cannot speak for anyone else. I can only speak for myself. The longer I live the less I know and the less I have certainty about what I used to feel so sure of. I am being stripped. It is a very vulnerable place to be. As unsettling as it is I do find some comfort in it. I'm comforted by the thought that this is a necessary part of the process of drawing nearer to God. Whatever that quality is that a young child has that Jesus said was necessary to enter his kingdom, surely that same quality is necessary for growing and maturing within the kingdom. But that quality is so quickly lost! And if we don't regain it we're in grave danger! We get a clue as to what this quality is when Jesus says, "Unless you humble yourself as a little child . . ." A child's humility is very different than an adult's. It is unencumbered, open-faced, no facades. The only way we can get back to that kind of humility, I believe, is to be stripped. A child has no problems with intimacy, as long as it feels loved. Why am I not quicker to run to the open arms of Him whose arms are always open wide to receive me? As adults we have to work hard at recovering that child-like humility. A good place to begin is to start addressing your heavenly Father as "Daddy", or "Papa". I heard Bob Jones (a modern day prophet who is no longer with us) tell a group of pastors to do that (he himself used the term "Papa" whenever referring to God). I took his advice and discovered that although it took months to get used to doing that, it has now become my most frequent, one-word prayer - "Daddy!" That prayer has brought more peace and comfort to me than all the others combined! So often I simply don't know how to pray, words seem so inadequate. But I know that He who made me knows my heart and always will hear and respond to the cry, "Daddy!"
So let the stripping continue. The servant is not above the master. Before Jesus went to the cross he also was stripped. We could never go through what he went through for our sakes. But he does ask us to follow him and in some way become like him in his death.
I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his
sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from
the dead . . . I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me . . .
(Phillipians 4:10-14)
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
the Word II
In this post I would like to give some Scriptures that, to me, demonstrate what I've called this seamless tapestry between the written Word, the Scriptures, and the prophetic word. One is communicated on stone tablets or on the black and white of written letters on pages of a scroll or book. The other comes through less tangible means, but is equally real and equally authoritative and powerful. We can try and tease the two apart by saying the Scriptures are given to establish doctrine while prophecy is intended to be limited to specific times, circumstances and strategies. But what the two have in common is that they both are direct communications from God to us and they both require faith to receive. I don't have the intellectual gift to be a theologian or a Bible expositor to be able to get into all the intricacies of this matter. But I simply want to bring to your attention the following Scriptures and ask you to consider the possibility that Scripture and prophecy must be held together, not separately.
Man does not live by bread alone but on every word that comes from [present tense] the mouth
of the LORD. (Deut.8:3c)
You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him, and keep his commandments and obey
his voice . . . (Deut.13:4a)
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27)
You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life.
These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. (Jn. 5:39)
In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various
ways, but in these last days he has spoken to to us by his Son . . . (Hebrews 1:1)
What I love about that last Scripture is that it shows how the movement of God toward us is one of increasing intimacy. And that is precisely why I have appreciated prophecy so much. Prophecy says to me that God is a personal God who loves me enough to communicate in the most personal and intimate of ways. When Jesus prepared his disciples for his having to leave them and return to heaven, he didn't say that he would send them the Bible to comfort them and be their guide. No - they already had the Scriptures! He promised them something much more intimate and personal, but just as authoritative - his presence, in the form of the Holy Spirit. Could we be led astray by "just following the Spirit"? Sure! Just like we could be led astray by just following Scripture (prime example: Pharisees). My point is, we need both. Scripture tells us that truth is established by at least two witnesses. We need the Bible and the Spirit - words on paper as well as revelation that comes by less tangible but equally real means.
I recently heard it said that the rock on which Jesus would build his church was the revelation of the Father. After Peter made his famous confession of Jesus being the Christ, Jesus tells him that flesh and blood did not reveal this to him, but rather the Father did. All the other "rocks" that Christians have argued that Jesus was going to build his church on cannot stand without this revelation of the Father to an individual's heart. And that is the essence of prophecy: God speaking, through his Spirit, directly to us, without the need of the Bible or a church authority. Prophecy is the sine qua non ("without which not") of the Bible and church authority. You can't have either of these without prophecy, but you can have prophecy without the Bible or church authority. God was speaking to anyone who wanted to listen to Him generations before the Bible was ever written (consider Enoch, Noah and Job) and He was obviously speaking during the time of the Scriptures. He is still speaking today to any and all who have a love for the truth. If it sounds like I am putting down either the Scriptures or proper Church authority I would say that I'm only wanting to put them in their proper place, which I believe is also the witness of Scripture and the apostles.
The Word became flesh . . . full of grace and truth . . . and from his fullness have we all
received grace upon grace. (John 1:14,16)
". . . the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it."
(Deut. 30:14)
Man does not live by bread alone but on every word that comes from [present tense] the mouth
of the LORD. (Deut.8:3c)
You shall walk after the LORD your God and fear him, and keep his commandments and obey
his voice . . . (Deut.13:4a)
In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. (John 1:1)
My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27)
You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life.
These are the Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life. (Jn. 5:39)
In the past God spoke to our forefathers through the prophets at many times and in various
ways, but in these last days he has spoken to to us by his Son . . . (Hebrews 1:1)
What I love about that last Scripture is that it shows how the movement of God toward us is one of increasing intimacy. And that is precisely why I have appreciated prophecy so much. Prophecy says to me that God is a personal God who loves me enough to communicate in the most personal and intimate of ways. When Jesus prepared his disciples for his having to leave them and return to heaven, he didn't say that he would send them the Bible to comfort them and be their guide. No - they already had the Scriptures! He promised them something much more intimate and personal, but just as authoritative - his presence, in the form of the Holy Spirit. Could we be led astray by "just following the Spirit"? Sure! Just like we could be led astray by just following Scripture (prime example: Pharisees). My point is, we need both. Scripture tells us that truth is established by at least two witnesses. We need the Bible and the Spirit - words on paper as well as revelation that comes by less tangible but equally real means.
I recently heard it said that the rock on which Jesus would build his church was the revelation of the Father. After Peter made his famous confession of Jesus being the Christ, Jesus tells him that flesh and blood did not reveal this to him, but rather the Father did. All the other "rocks" that Christians have argued that Jesus was going to build his church on cannot stand without this revelation of the Father to an individual's heart. And that is the essence of prophecy: God speaking, through his Spirit, directly to us, without the need of the Bible or a church authority. Prophecy is the sine qua non ("without which not") of the Bible and church authority. You can't have either of these without prophecy, but you can have prophecy without the Bible or church authority. God was speaking to anyone who wanted to listen to Him generations before the Bible was ever written (consider Enoch, Noah and Job) and He was obviously speaking during the time of the Scriptures. He is still speaking today to any and all who have a love for the truth. If it sounds like I am putting down either the Scriptures or proper Church authority I would say that I'm only wanting to put them in their proper place, which I believe is also the witness of Scripture and the apostles.
The Word became flesh . . . full of grace and truth . . . and from his fullness have we all
received grace upon grace. (John 1:14,16)
". . . the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it."
(Deut. 30:14)
Monday, August 17, 2015
the Word of God
I grew up in a conservative, evangelical church tradition which used the phrase, "Word of God". or simply, "the Word", as a synonym for the Bible. Bible study could also be referred to as "getting into the Word" and someone who preached from the Bible was a preacher of "the Word". But the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements of the 20th century added a new dimension to "the Word". A long lost gift of the Spirit - namely prophecy - was coming back into use. More and more believers began to experience what Peter called the fulfillment of Joel's prophecy (Joel 2:28-32) on the day of Pentecost. Years later the apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthian church, exhorting them to "eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy (ICor. 14:1). It was this gift, Paul said, that would cause a visiting unbeliever to "be convinced that he is a sinner . . . and the secrets of his heart will be laid bare. So he will fall down and worship God, exclaiming, "God is really among you (I Cor. 14:24-25)!" Now good, Holy Spirit inspired, Bible preaching can have a similar effect. But what is unique to the prophetic gift is that it doesn't require Bible study and preparation. All that is needed is the anointing or inspiration of the Holy Spirit. And because prophecy comes from the heart and mind of God, it can indeed reveal knowledge and wisdom that would otherwise not be available to us.
But can prophecy be called "the Word of God"? Because of the long history of the Bible being referred to as "the Word of God" I would avoid equating the two. I agree with the teaching that says that only Scripture should be used to establish doctrine. The Bible is our ultimate weapon against the deceptions of Satan, as Jesus himself showed when he answered Satan's temptations with "It is written . . ." But, the fear that embracing the prophetic gift is to undermine the authority of Scripture is totally unwarranted. The opposite is true. When used properly, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, Scripture and prophecy form a seamless tapestry that demonstrates the wonderfully creative and diverse ways that God will communicate with men and women. Scripture itself is the best witness to this reality.
In my pursuit of God, of intimacy, it has been the prophetic that has captured me, that has drawn me closer. I have had friends, best friends, who have turned their backs on me because of my continuing pursuit of prophecy. Both of these friends, when I first became friends with them, shared my interest in and belief in the prophetic gifts. But for some reason that eludes me, they both came to a point in their own spiritual journeys, where they saw the prophetic as a threat to the final authority of Scripture. They became what I call, "Bible only" Christians (and it also had to be King James only, interestingly enough). Now I really appreciated these two guys (whom I knew at two different periods in my life, not simultaneously) and would have liked to have continued the friendship with them. But because of my continuing interest in the prophetic, and their increasing suspicion of it, they ended their friendship with me. I felt like I had become contaminated material to them, that they had to keep their distance. Those were two of the most confusing experiences I've ever had. I told one of those friends (who went so far as to make sure that his children no longer played with ours) that his cutting off of our friendship felt, emotionally, like being stabbed in the back.
But do you know what it was that brought perspective and consolation to me at that time? It was a prophetic revelation, entitled, The Hordes of Hell are Marching. This word explained that Satan's number one tactic against God's people is to bring division at every level possible, beginning in the home between husbands and wives, and on up to governmental and national levels. As we draw closer to the end of this age there will be increasing division, and warfare, between light and darkness, and the church will become involved in an all-out civil war within its own ranks . . . Oh-h-h-h-h, so that's what I've been experiencing . . .
(to be continued)
But can prophecy be called "the Word of God"? Because of the long history of the Bible being referred to as "the Word of God" I would avoid equating the two. I agree with the teaching that says that only Scripture should be used to establish doctrine. The Bible is our ultimate weapon against the deceptions of Satan, as Jesus himself showed when he answered Satan's temptations with "It is written . . ." But, the fear that embracing the prophetic gift is to undermine the authority of Scripture is totally unwarranted. The opposite is true. When used properly, under the direction of the Holy Spirit, Scripture and prophecy form a seamless tapestry that demonstrates the wonderfully creative and diverse ways that God will communicate with men and women. Scripture itself is the best witness to this reality.
In my pursuit of God, of intimacy, it has been the prophetic that has captured me, that has drawn me closer. I have had friends, best friends, who have turned their backs on me because of my continuing pursuit of prophecy. Both of these friends, when I first became friends with them, shared my interest in and belief in the prophetic gifts. But for some reason that eludes me, they both came to a point in their own spiritual journeys, where they saw the prophetic as a threat to the final authority of Scripture. They became what I call, "Bible only" Christians (and it also had to be King James only, interestingly enough). Now I really appreciated these two guys (whom I knew at two different periods in my life, not simultaneously) and would have liked to have continued the friendship with them. But because of my continuing interest in the prophetic, and their increasing suspicion of it, they ended their friendship with me. I felt like I had become contaminated material to them, that they had to keep their distance. Those were two of the most confusing experiences I've ever had. I told one of those friends (who went so far as to make sure that his children no longer played with ours) that his cutting off of our friendship felt, emotionally, like being stabbed in the back.
But do you know what it was that brought perspective and consolation to me at that time? It was a prophetic revelation, entitled, The Hordes of Hell are Marching. This word explained that Satan's number one tactic against God's people is to bring division at every level possible, beginning in the home between husbands and wives, and on up to governmental and national levels. As we draw closer to the end of this age there will be increasing division, and warfare, between light and darkness, and the church will become involved in an all-out civil war within its own ranks . . . Oh-h-h-h-h, so that's what I've been experiencing . . .
(to be continued)
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
created for intimacy II
This matter of intimacy has become a critically important issue for me, for my marriage, for my relationship with God. What brought this into focus was the prophetic word that I received through Larry Wentz (the small group leader I referred to in an earlier post). But it took me years to figure it out, and I'm still working on fully grasping its meaning. Like Scripture, prophetic words need some "de-coding", some time to chew on them, mull them over in your mind and spirit, before you can begin to fully assimilate them and integrate them into your being. The following is the prophetic word that Larry spoke to me. These are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down while Larry was speaking them to me.
"7(rams horns) x 7(trips around Jericho) = 49 represents the wrath of God which destroys strong-holds . . . Jericho (see Joshua 6) was "tightly shut up" (like my heart) for FEAR . . . Jericho = Fear (foundation for religious spirits, intellectualism, etc.) . . . Worship begins asa battle between the flesh and the Spirit . . . #1 [thing] "holy ground" (Joshua 5) - the Lord wants to bring me - my heart - to this place . . . "Mighty man of valor" is what God wantsto make me - guarding Naboth's flocks (warrior-shepherd) . . . valor = willingness to kill everything with the sword ("every living thing") . . ."My son, give me your heart" - wholly devoted to the Lord . . . [What follows is the specific word of the Lord to me, detailing what I can expect in the future . Again, it will appear disjointed because these are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down.] . . . "Slow moving at first . . . steady growth at a steady pace (developing intimacy and worship) . . . by mid-year the pace will speed up (I will be the only
hindrance at this point) . . . There is much land to be regained, taking back my land (taking one's inheritance). . . This is a year for development.
Why do I share this with you? For one thing, I like to blog because it is a way to help me process how I see God working in my life. But I do this in hopes that it will be of encouragement to others on their spiritual journeys. We all have very different and unique paths to walk, but I think it does help to be aware of each others' experiences. . .
For clarity's sake, let me summarize the various strands of thought that the last two months of blogging have been weaving. First, I highlighted the darkness - the struggles and difficulties that at times have felt so overwhelming to me. At the center of this struggle is my attempt to improve my relationship with my wife and with God. "Intimacy" seems to be a good word to summarize what I am striving for. It is what my wife so longs for from me and what I wish I could give her more of, but what I seem so unable to give. And my ability to draw near to God and truly worship Him also feels quite stunted. Psychology can probably come up with some explanation for all this, and I could have gone to get professional counseling. But I believe that the word the Lord gave me through Larry nailed it on the head. It hasn't been a "quick fix", but it has filled me with hope that God does have a solution for this and at the right time it will manifest. In fact, I received another prophetic word by a complete stranger (at the end of a worship time in a meeting where I was feeling totally out of it spiritually) which said the following: the Lord knows that I've been waiting a long time for something and He feels for( is sympathetic with) me about this, but what I am waiting for is coming, and I wouldn't understand why I've had to wait so long until I was "on the other side". I knew that this was referring to my life-long search to be filled with and fully functioning in His Spirit. My entire adult life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in on the experience of others who were being filled and "baptized" in the Spirit. In high school in California I got to observe first hand a part of the Jesus people movement. After that I attended fellowships and churches that were riding the wave of the charismatic movement, and then moved to North Carolina to be a part of what could be called a prophetic movement. While there (and not entering in to what everybody else seemed to be enjoying) I finally had to realize that God simply wasn't working in me like He was in others.
And that, I believe, is where my journey toward intimacy began to take on an added dimension. I had to get free of comparing myself with others and trying to duplicate in my experience what others were experiencing. The Creator loves to be creative! What a freeing realization! I don't have to be like anybody else! Creator can do whatever He wants to in me!
Our God is in the heavens;
he does whatever he pleases. (Ps. 115:3)
"7(rams horns) x 7(trips around Jericho) = 49 represents the wrath of God which destroys strong-holds . . . Jericho (see Joshua 6) was "tightly shut up" (like my heart) for FEAR . . . Jericho = Fear (foundation for religious spirits, intellectualism, etc.) . . . Worship begins asa battle between the flesh and the Spirit . . . #1 [thing] "holy ground" (Joshua 5) - the Lord wants to bring me - my heart - to this place . . . "Mighty man of valor" is what God wantsto make me - guarding Naboth's flocks (warrior-shepherd) . . . valor = willingness to kill everything with the sword ("every living thing") . . ."My son, give me your heart" - wholly devoted to the Lord . . . [What follows is the specific word of the Lord to me, detailing what I can expect in the future . Again, it will appear disjointed because these are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down.] . . . "Slow moving at first . . . steady growth at a steady pace (developing intimacy and worship) . . . by mid-year the pace will speed up (I will be the only
hindrance at this point) . . . There is much land to be regained, taking back my land (taking one's inheritance). . . This is a year for development.
Why do I share this with you? For one thing, I like to blog because it is a way to help me process how I see God working in my life. But I do this in hopes that it will be of encouragement to others on their spiritual journeys. We all have very different and unique paths to walk, but I think it does help to be aware of each others' experiences. . .
For clarity's sake, let me summarize the various strands of thought that the last two months of blogging have been weaving. First, I highlighted the darkness - the struggles and difficulties that at times have felt so overwhelming to me. At the center of this struggle is my attempt to improve my relationship with my wife and with God. "Intimacy" seems to be a good word to summarize what I am striving for. It is what my wife so longs for from me and what I wish I could give her more of, but what I seem so unable to give. And my ability to draw near to God and truly worship Him also feels quite stunted. Psychology can probably come up with some explanation for all this, and I could have gone to get professional counseling. But I believe that the word the Lord gave me through Larry nailed it on the head. It hasn't been a "quick fix", but it has filled me with hope that God does have a solution for this and at the right time it will manifest. In fact, I received another prophetic word by a complete stranger (at the end of a worship time in a meeting where I was feeling totally out of it spiritually) which said the following: the Lord knows that I've been waiting a long time for something and He feels for( is sympathetic with) me about this, but what I am waiting for is coming, and I wouldn't understand why I've had to wait so long until I was "on the other side". I knew that this was referring to my life-long search to be filled with and fully functioning in His Spirit. My entire adult life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in on the experience of others who were being filled and "baptized" in the Spirit. In high school in California I got to observe first hand a part of the Jesus people movement. After that I attended fellowships and churches that were riding the wave of the charismatic movement, and then moved to North Carolina to be a part of what could be called a prophetic movement. While there (and not entering in to what everybody else seemed to be enjoying) I finally had to realize that God simply wasn't working in me like He was in others.
And that, I believe, is where my journey toward intimacy began to take on an added dimension. I had to get free of comparing myself with others and trying to duplicate in my experience what others were experiencing. The Creator loves to be creative! What a freeing realization! I don't have to be like anybody else! Creator can do whatever He wants to in me!
Our God is in the heavens;
he does whatever he pleases. (Ps. 115:3)
a-part
Father . . . Daddy . . . I need you all the time, in every way! I cannot, I must not be apart from You!
I must always, in every way, be a part of You!
I must always, in every way, be a part of You!
Sunday, July 19, 2015
created for intimacy/jilted lovers
When the person you are closest to, whom you love the most, does something that hurts you, the first instinctive response is to pull away from them. The pain can be so sharp that all you want to do is to distance yourself from that pain. We've all experienced this, especially those of us who have been married. But my focus in this post is not on what we as humans experience, but rather on what our Creator, our Father in heaven, feels and experiences. We don't tend to think of God as having the same kind of feelings that we do, but nothing could be further than the truth. He doesn't have unrighteous feelings, but he certainly has the whole range of emotions that he created us to also have. For example, there are many Scriptures that refer to God as being a jealous God. Have you ever stopped to try and imagine how God must feel when we turn to something or someone other than him for comfort and security? Or to put it very bluntly, when we find Satan more attractive than God? After all. the enemy of our souls certainly appears more attractive to us than God, doesn't he? The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil will always look more interesting and enticing than the Tree of Life. So how did the Father feel when the first man and woman chose to listen to and obey the serpent rather than him? Nita Johnson, who has had many prophetic experiences and encounters with the Lord, said that Jesus told her once that the second most painful experience the Father ever had was when he had to kick Adam and Eve out of the garden (the most painful, obviously, was turning his back on his own Son, when he hung on the cross).
Theologians may be able to help us get some facts straight about God, but I don't think they have been very helpful in terms of helping us connect with God on a personal, intimate level. They can give a very logical and even accurate reason for why God had to keep Adam and Eve at arm's length, so to speak, after they sinned. Or why God had to exile his people from the land for 70 years after they had consistently turned their backs on him. Or why God warned the Ephesian church in Revelation 2 that if they didn't repent he would have to remove the "lampstand" (the light of his presence) from them. Yes, God is too holy to tolerate sin. But if we stopped to imagine his feelings, I think we would be much more impacted and maybe, just maybe, think twice before we jump back into our favorite sin. Here are some Scriptures that reveal something about how God feels:
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has born?
Though she may forget,
I still will not forget! (Isaiah 49:15)
" O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone
those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your
children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings,
but you were not willing!" (Mt.23:37)
Somehow I find it helpful and even critically important to get beyond my own feelings and connect with the reality of God's feelings. Isn't that what intimacy is all about, what God created us for . . . to connect with him (as well as others, especially our spouses) at an emotional level? One of the most emotionally disturbing stories in the Bible is where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on an altar. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, God was wanting to communicate something to his close friend at an emotional level? Don't you think God wants to communicate with any and all of us who want to get to know him better, at that same emotional (not just intellectual) level? And what do we do, when in the process of trying to draw closer to God, we feel jilted, abandoned by him?
Theologians may be able to help us get some facts straight about God, but I don't think they have been very helpful in terms of helping us connect with God on a personal, intimate level. They can give a very logical and even accurate reason for why God had to keep Adam and Eve at arm's length, so to speak, after they sinned. Or why God had to exile his people from the land for 70 years after they had consistently turned their backs on him. Or why God warned the Ephesian church in Revelation 2 that if they didn't repent he would have to remove the "lampstand" (the light of his presence) from them. Yes, God is too holy to tolerate sin. But if we stopped to imagine his feelings, I think we would be much more impacted and maybe, just maybe, think twice before we jump back into our favorite sin. Here are some Scriptures that reveal something about how God feels:
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has born?
Though she may forget,
I still will not forget! (Isaiah 49:15)
" O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone
those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your
children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings,
but you were not willing!" (Mt.23:37)
Somehow I find it helpful and even critically important to get beyond my own feelings and connect with the reality of God's feelings. Isn't that what intimacy is all about, what God created us for . . . to connect with him (as well as others, especially our spouses) at an emotional level? One of the most emotionally disturbing stories in the Bible is where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on an altar. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, God was wanting to communicate something to his close friend at an emotional level? Don't you think God wants to communicate with any and all of us who want to get to know him better, at that same emotional (not just intellectual) level? And what do we do, when in the process of trying to draw closer to God, we feel jilted, abandoned by him?
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
"preposterous"
I don't receive prophetic "words" very often. On average I would say that I probably get a "word" about once or twice a year and it is always in the form of an impression, a sense that a particular thought I'm having did not originate from myself bur from God. Other forms that prophetic words or revelations can come in are dreams, visions, trances or even by an audible voice. Impressions, though, are the most common form, at least for word-oriented people like myself. Visually-oriented individuals (like my wife) are more likely to get dreams or visions.
One of the first "words" I ever got was literally just one word, the word preposterous. How do I know that this was a "prophetic" word, that God was the one speaking this into my spirit? I can't give you an intellectually satisfying answer to that question. All I know is that when this word dropped into my consciousness it really caught my attention and I've pondered the significance of it ever since. The meaning of preposterous is: "contrary to nature, reason, or common sense . . . absurd." As the word itself suggests, it is the reversing of the proper order of things, putting "pre" where "post" should be or vice-a-versa. Drawing a tail on the nose of an animal is preposterous. A child correcting a parent, or worse yet, being elected president, is preposterous.
So why would God speak this word, preposterous, to me? I think he was wanting to clue me in to an important reality concerning the nature of his kingdom, of how he likes to operate. Some, in fact, have called the kingdom of God, the "upside down kingdom". Of course, it is man's kingdoms that are really upside down, right? When God takes over and turns our little kingdoms upside down he's really turning things right side up, the way they were originally intended to be. God's ways will always appear preposterous to our human way of thinking and operating. Ever since man listened to the original question/lie - "Did God say? . . . You won't die, you'll become just like God!" - we have been living in a preposterous, upside down world. But we think our way of thinking and behaving makes perfect sense, so when God intervenes and shows us the truth, the truth can appear to be quite preposterous at first. It can actually take some time to make the adjustment. In fact, we're always having to make adjustments (getting our "pre" and "posts" in the right order) the closer we get to God.
As I explore the value and importance of the prophetic (hearing the voice of God) in the coming posts, and compare that to the importance and value of the written Word, the Scriptures, be prepared for some adjustments in your thinking. Anyone who is serious about understanding the Scriptures and obeying the voice of God has to be in a continual mode of adjusting one's self to the preposterous nature of his kingdom.
One of the first "words" I ever got was literally just one word, the word preposterous. How do I know that this was a "prophetic" word, that God was the one speaking this into my spirit? I can't give you an intellectually satisfying answer to that question. All I know is that when this word dropped into my consciousness it really caught my attention and I've pondered the significance of it ever since. The meaning of preposterous is: "contrary to nature, reason, or common sense . . . absurd." As the word itself suggests, it is the reversing of the proper order of things, putting "pre" where "post" should be or vice-a-versa. Drawing a tail on the nose of an animal is preposterous. A child correcting a parent, or worse yet, being elected president, is preposterous.
So why would God speak this word, preposterous, to me? I think he was wanting to clue me in to an important reality concerning the nature of his kingdom, of how he likes to operate. Some, in fact, have called the kingdom of God, the "upside down kingdom". Of course, it is man's kingdoms that are really upside down, right? When God takes over and turns our little kingdoms upside down he's really turning things right side up, the way they were originally intended to be. God's ways will always appear preposterous to our human way of thinking and operating. Ever since man listened to the original question/lie - "Did God say? . . . You won't die, you'll become just like God!" - we have been living in a preposterous, upside down world. But we think our way of thinking and behaving makes perfect sense, so when God intervenes and shows us the truth, the truth can appear to be quite preposterous at first. It can actually take some time to make the adjustment. In fact, we're always having to make adjustments (getting our "pre" and "posts" in the right order) the closer we get to God.
As I explore the value and importance of the prophetic (hearing the voice of God) in the coming posts, and compare that to the importance and value of the written Word, the Scriptures, be prepared for some adjustments in your thinking. Anyone who is serious about understanding the Scriptures and obeying the voice of God has to be in a continual mode of adjusting one's self to the preposterous nature of his kingdom.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
mid-year
[Note to those who read my first posting of "mid-year": I accidentally deleted it! This second writing of "mid-year" may turn out a little different than the first one . . .]
In my first posting of this new round of posts (beginning in June) I said that I might explain at some point why I am expecting a "breakthrough" this summer. Here's the explanation.
About 15 years ago a leader of a small group (of the church I was involved in at the time) gave me a rather detailed prophetic word that the Lord had given him to give me. The word ended by giving a time-frame: by "mid-year" my growth in intimacy and worship would accelerate. There was much more to this word then that, but I just want to fill you in on why I have been expectant about the middle of this year. Of course, 15 years have come and gone without this word being fulfilled and every summer I ask myself, "Could this be the year?" What's different about this year is that there is a growing consensus among leading prophetic voices that by this Fall a new move of God (some would even call it another Great Awakening) will begin to gain traction in our nation. I have shifted my expectation from this summer to the Fall, not only because of what these prophets are saying, but also because I've realized that according to God's calendar (the one He gave the Israelites) - which begins at Pesach (Passover), in the Spring - The Fall would be at the middle of the year. And then to top it off, this Fall, at Succot (Feast of Tabernacles), there will be occurring the last of the 4 blood moons. [If you haven't learned about these 4 blood moons, do a google search, and discover something truly amazing about these signs in the heavens that have been occurring. Scripture is clear that God speaks through the celestial bodies. The sun, moon, and stars are given to be for "signs and for seasons" (Gen. 1:14).] So, now you see why I have a heightened expectation for "mid-year". I've just moved my expectation a few months back for the reasons given above.
Now I know that prophecy is a controversial and divisive thing in the church today. Many Christians do not believe that this gift is in operation today, that it only was in existence during Biblical times. So I know that I'm opening up a whole can of worms, so to speak, to bring this topic up. But prophecy has played a major role in my life and marriage so it would be impossible for me to avoid bringing it up sooner or later. In my next post I will begin to "unpack" what prophecy means to me and why it is to be sought after even more than any of the other spiritual gifts (see the entire chapter of I Corinthians 14).
In my first posting of this new round of posts (beginning in June) I said that I might explain at some point why I am expecting a "breakthrough" this summer. Here's the explanation.
About 15 years ago a leader of a small group (of the church I was involved in at the time) gave me a rather detailed prophetic word that the Lord had given him to give me. The word ended by giving a time-frame: by "mid-year" my growth in intimacy and worship would accelerate. There was much more to this word then that, but I just want to fill you in on why I have been expectant about the middle of this year. Of course, 15 years have come and gone without this word being fulfilled and every summer I ask myself, "Could this be the year?" What's different about this year is that there is a growing consensus among leading prophetic voices that by this Fall a new move of God (some would even call it another Great Awakening) will begin to gain traction in our nation. I have shifted my expectation from this summer to the Fall, not only because of what these prophets are saying, but also because I've realized that according to God's calendar (the one He gave the Israelites) - which begins at Pesach (Passover), in the Spring - The Fall would be at the middle of the year. And then to top it off, this Fall, at Succot (Feast of Tabernacles), there will be occurring the last of the 4 blood moons. [If you haven't learned about these 4 blood moons, do a google search, and discover something truly amazing about these signs in the heavens that have been occurring. Scripture is clear that God speaks through the celestial bodies. The sun, moon, and stars are given to be for "signs and for seasons" (Gen. 1:14).] So, now you see why I have a heightened expectation for "mid-year". I've just moved my expectation a few months back for the reasons given above.
Now I know that prophecy is a controversial and divisive thing in the church today. Many Christians do not believe that this gift is in operation today, that it only was in existence during Biblical times. So I know that I'm opening up a whole can of worms, so to speak, to bring this topic up. But prophecy has played a major role in my life and marriage so it would be impossible for me to avoid bringing it up sooner or later. In my next post I will begin to "unpack" what prophecy means to me and why it is to be sought after even more than any of the other spiritual gifts (see the entire chapter of I Corinthians 14).
Saturday, July 4, 2015
appreciating the process
A piano teacher, knowing that his students would have a hard time understanding the necessity of practicing tedious scales and drills on the piano over and over again, was known to tell his students that it was important for them to "appreciate the process" if they were going to become a good piano player. I think this sums up well what I've been trying to say in regards to embracing the darkness. The process of entering into and living in the light of God and His truth begins by recognizing the darkness for what it is. Did you know that in the Hebrew worldview the 24 hour period that we call a "day" begins at sundown, at night, not in the morning? In Genesis 1, at the end of each day of creation, it says "And there was evening, and there was morning." The darkness was the starting point. To finish well we must start well. In the dark.
How did Saul of Tarsus begin his conversion experience? In the dark. In order for God to get him to see, he first had to strike him blind. Up until then he probably thought of himself as a pretty righteous guy, someone who had a clear grasp on God's truth. Over the course of his training and preparation for ministry he experienced many apocalypses - revelations - which one would think would have made him feel like he was filled with light, like he had finally "arrived". But when you examine Paul's writings you discover something that's hard to believe. Early in his writings he describes himself as equal to the other apostles. Later, he calls himself the least of the apostles. And in one of his last letters he refers to himself as "the chief of sinners"! The genius of Paul was that he didn't allow his supernatural gifts and revelations to feed his pride, but rather used the light he was given to actually highlight the darkness that was still in him. He never shied away from it but embraced it because it was a continual reminder to him that God's power is made perfect in his weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
So, let's not fear the darkness. Rather, we should beware of false lights that give us a false sense of security rather than increasing our dependency and connection to the Lord ("the simplicity that is in Christ" KJV, 1 Cor. 11:3c). Note the contrast in this passage from Isaiah between those who "walk in the dark" and those who "walk in the light of your fires":
"Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches;
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment."
- Isaiah 50:10,11
Embrace the present torments of life, for they can save you from much worse ones in the future.
How did Saul of Tarsus begin his conversion experience? In the dark. In order for God to get him to see, he first had to strike him blind. Up until then he probably thought of himself as a pretty righteous guy, someone who had a clear grasp on God's truth. Over the course of his training and preparation for ministry he experienced many apocalypses - revelations - which one would think would have made him feel like he was filled with light, like he had finally "arrived". But when you examine Paul's writings you discover something that's hard to believe. Early in his writings he describes himself as equal to the other apostles. Later, he calls himself the least of the apostles. And in one of his last letters he refers to himself as "the chief of sinners"! The genius of Paul was that he didn't allow his supernatural gifts and revelations to feed his pride, but rather used the light he was given to actually highlight the darkness that was still in him. He never shied away from it but embraced it because it was a continual reminder to him that God's power is made perfect in his weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
So, let's not fear the darkness. Rather, we should beware of false lights that give us a false sense of security rather than increasing our dependency and connection to the Lord ("the simplicity that is in Christ" KJV, 1 Cor. 11:3c). Note the contrast in this passage from Isaiah between those who "walk in the dark" and those who "walk in the light of your fires":
"Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches;
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment."
- Isaiah 50:10,11
Embrace the present torments of life, for they can save you from much worse ones in the future.
piercing the darkness
I don't know about you but I am in desperate need of a breakthrough! The darkness within me and all around me can feel overwhelming at times. But what gives me hope is the word that is used for the last book of the Bible - apocalypse. This word is translated by the more modern term, revelation, and it literally means, "to break through." Paul uses this word in Romans 1:17 when speaking of how "a righteousness from God is revealed (apocalypsus - "broken through") in the gospel, the good news concerning Jesus Christ. And this word also points to the most critical aspect of Jesus' response to Peter right after Peter made his famous confession of faith: "You are the Christ (messiah, anointed one), the Son of the living God." Jesus made it clear to Peter that he had just experienced an apocalypse, a revelation. The rock on which Jesus would build his church would, yes, include the need for Peter and his successors to pass on his teachings, and yes, the need for properly confessing Jesus as the Christ. But the most important point that we must not miss, is that all this can only happen with an apocalypse, a revelation, that originates from the Father (Mt. 16::17).
Even though I have confidence in my salvation, because my faith and trust are in Jesus to save me from sin and death, I feel the need to be "born again", again. When Jesus first spoke of another birth it was a dynamic, new, living word and reality. But now it has become status quo and it has lost so much of its original power. There is still so much within me that needs saving! Many would try to console me by saying that in this life we will never receive our full salvation, that I need to be patient and just wait until I go to heaven or Jesus comes back. That's fine, and I do find comfort in that. But I've also become convinced that there is so much more of God's salvation that He intends for us to experience now. The promise of future rewards in heaven is dependent on how well we are overcomers in this life. I can't bear to continue in the Laodicean condition of lukewarmness any longer. I don't want to be the proverbial frog that is slowly being boiled to death because it is continually acclimating itself to the rising temperatures!
My prayers these days run something like this: "Daddy, I am a fool and will always be a fool apart from You. But I don't want to be apart from You! Draw me close. I don't know how to draw closer to you. Pierce my darkness!"
Even though I have confidence in my salvation, because my faith and trust are in Jesus to save me from sin and death, I feel the need to be "born again", again. When Jesus first spoke of another birth it was a dynamic, new, living word and reality. But now it has become status quo and it has lost so much of its original power. There is still so much within me that needs saving! Many would try to console me by saying that in this life we will never receive our full salvation, that I need to be patient and just wait until I go to heaven or Jesus comes back. That's fine, and I do find comfort in that. But I've also become convinced that there is so much more of God's salvation that He intends for us to experience now. The promise of future rewards in heaven is dependent on how well we are overcomers in this life. I can't bear to continue in the Laodicean condition of lukewarmness any longer. I don't want to be the proverbial frog that is slowly being boiled to death because it is continually acclimating itself to the rising temperatures!
My prayers these days run something like this: "Daddy, I am a fool and will always be a fool apart from You. But I don't want to be apart from You! Draw me close. I don't know how to draw closer to you. Pierce my darkness!"
embracing the darkness
So this is where I'm at in my relationship with God. Learning to pray. I actually prefer to think of it in James' words, "draw(ing) near to God." But how does one "draw near" to One who is described in Hebrews 12:29 as "a consuming fire!" As believers we are taught that we should be "conformed to the image of Christ", but we aren't prepared to be turned into a pile of ashes in the process, are we?! Like the rich young ruler we are eager to learn all we can about how to "inherit eternal life". But when faced with the darkness within our own souls it's hard to fully accept it for what it truly is - to embrace it - and thereby keep moving forward, drawing nearer to God.
Here's a thought that has just been clarified for me: to draw near to God means we have to leave the light that we have been comfortable walking in, and plunge into the darkness that still exists in those hidden, scary parts of our soul. Psalm 23 takes on a whole new meaning: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies." All those wonderful things we find comfort in, reading and meditating on concerning the Lord as our shepherd, will only happen as we are willing to walk, with Him, through the dark valleys of our soul.
At first I wondered if it was too strong a terminology to say, "embrace the darkness" within one's self. But I think that is exactly what we must do. Isn't that the whole point of Jesus' sermon on the mount (the beatitudes)? "Blessed are the poor . . . the hungry . . . the persecuted." Or James' preposterous exhortation to "count it all joy" when we face whatever difficulties come our way? We embrace the darkness because it is the only way to get from the illusion of light (our comfort zones that are well lit by our own lighting system) to the purity of God's light where no darkness can exist.
Jesus embraced the darkness when he took on a human form, when he hung out with sinners. He did the ultimate embracing of darkness when he took the penalty for our sins on his own body and went to hell so we wouldn't have to. Only God could embrace hell itself, and overcome it. But if we are to be his disciples He does ask us to embrace the darkness - to identify with Jesus' death, the darkest of all human experiences. How that happens and what that will look like in every believer's life is as different and unique as we are. But it must happen if we are to "draw near".
Here's a thought that has just been clarified for me: to draw near to God means we have to leave the light that we have been comfortable walking in, and plunge into the darkness that still exists in those hidden, scary parts of our soul. Psalm 23 takes on a whole new meaning: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies." All those wonderful things we find comfort in, reading and meditating on concerning the Lord as our shepherd, will only happen as we are willing to walk, with Him, through the dark valleys of our soul.
At first I wondered if it was too strong a terminology to say, "embrace the darkness" within one's self. But I think that is exactly what we must do. Isn't that the whole point of Jesus' sermon on the mount (the beatitudes)? "Blessed are the poor . . . the hungry . . . the persecuted." Or James' preposterous exhortation to "count it all joy" when we face whatever difficulties come our way? We embrace the darkness because it is the only way to get from the illusion of light (our comfort zones that are well lit by our own lighting system) to the purity of God's light where no darkness can exist.
Jesus embraced the darkness when he took on a human form, when he hung out with sinners. He did the ultimate embracing of darkness when he took the penalty for our sins on his own body and went to hell so we wouldn't have to. Only God could embrace hell itself, and overcome it. But if we are to be his disciples He does ask us to embrace the darkness - to identify with Jesus' death, the darkest of all human experiences. How that happens and what that will look like in every believer's life is as different and unique as we are. But it must happen if we are to "draw near".
recognizing our darkness
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be stripped of everything . . . except God? I read once of a Chinese pastor who was thrown in jail and was not allowed to see anyone or read anything. He was not allowed to have or read his most treasured possession, the Bible. But that became the most transformative time of his life. He discovered that his relationship to God grew in new ways that had never occurred before. In a sense, the Bible itself had become a barrier between himself and God. Once that was taken away he was left with nothing else - just him and God. Scary at first. Downright terrifying, in fact, to be so alone, in blackness. In your head you know there's a God, and that He's with you. But how do you relate to someone you can't see or touch or relate to as you would another human?
Growing up in a Christian home I was taught the importance of having a "daily quiet time", a time set apart for Bible study and prayer every day. Throughout my early years in life I was quite faithful at doing this. But by the time I was in college I started losing interest because I recognized that this had become too much of an empty ritual. At times I would gain some refreshment from it, but that seemed to be happening less and less. Something was wrong. So I quit, and I haven't practiced a "daily quiet time" ever since (gasp!).
What was wrong? I've pondered this quite a bit over the years. One conclusion I've come to is that I wish prayer would have been emphasized over Bible study. I think the reason that Bible study becomes so much of an emphasis is because it is something tangible that we can hang on to with our minds. The problem with this is that our relationship with God becomes a mental exercise instead of a truly spiritual one (I'm generalizing, of course). I would never advocate getting rid of our Bibles or our study of it. But I do think that it's a good idea to emphasize prayer ahead of study. When I did this I discovered how underdeveloped this part of me was, and still is. To let go of a purely intellectual relationship with God (which is what Bible study tends to promote) and seek a more spirit-to-spirit relationship has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It is definitely leaving one's comfort zone (a well-lit place) and entering into a kind of darkness (unknown and undefined). Does this seem strange? If "God is light", why should it seem dark to move in his direction?
I think the answer has to do with the difference between God's light and the light of our own making. And the two may not be easy to distinguish. There are times when we know without a question that God's light has pierced our darkness. We experience his joy, his love, etc. But instead of cultivating the relationship we tend to want to hang on to that wonderful experience and keep duplicating it. A subtle shift happens whereby the focus changes from actually loving Him to loving those things that were instrumental in bringing us to Him. Before we know it He has taken a turn in another direction and we are still going down the road we assume He is still on (like the time it took Jesus' parents three days to notice that he was no longer with them on their journey home from Jerusalem!)
"You diligently study the Scriptures." Jesus said to the Pharisees, "because you think that by them you possess eternal life. . . yet you refuse to come to me to have life" (Jn. 5:39-40).
Growing up in a Christian home I was taught the importance of having a "daily quiet time", a time set apart for Bible study and prayer every day. Throughout my early years in life I was quite faithful at doing this. But by the time I was in college I started losing interest because I recognized that this had become too much of an empty ritual. At times I would gain some refreshment from it, but that seemed to be happening less and less. Something was wrong. So I quit, and I haven't practiced a "daily quiet time" ever since (gasp!).
What was wrong? I've pondered this quite a bit over the years. One conclusion I've come to is that I wish prayer would have been emphasized over Bible study. I think the reason that Bible study becomes so much of an emphasis is because it is something tangible that we can hang on to with our minds. The problem with this is that our relationship with God becomes a mental exercise instead of a truly spiritual one (I'm generalizing, of course). I would never advocate getting rid of our Bibles or our study of it. But I do think that it's a good idea to emphasize prayer ahead of study. When I did this I discovered how underdeveloped this part of me was, and still is. To let go of a purely intellectual relationship with God (which is what Bible study tends to promote) and seek a more spirit-to-spirit relationship has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It is definitely leaving one's comfort zone (a well-lit place) and entering into a kind of darkness (unknown and undefined). Does this seem strange? If "God is light", why should it seem dark to move in his direction?
I think the answer has to do with the difference between God's light and the light of our own making. And the two may not be easy to distinguish. There are times when we know without a question that God's light has pierced our darkness. We experience his joy, his love, etc. But instead of cultivating the relationship we tend to want to hang on to that wonderful experience and keep duplicating it. A subtle shift happens whereby the focus changes from actually loving Him to loving those things that were instrumental in bringing us to Him. Before we know it He has taken a turn in another direction and we are still going down the road we assume He is still on (like the time it took Jesus' parents three days to notice that he was no longer with them on their journey home from Jerusalem!)
"You diligently study the Scriptures." Jesus said to the Pharisees, "because you think that by them you possess eternal life. . . yet you refuse to come to me to have life" (Jn. 5:39-40).
Sunday, June 28, 2015
"uniquely"
The best wedding gift my wife and I received were two prophetic words from two different individuals, one from a lady the Sunday before we were married, and the other from our pastor during the wedding itself. Scripture says that it takes two witnesses to confirm something as true. What a wonderful confirmation from God that His hand was directly involved in our marriage, that He would give, not just one, but two words! The fact that one came through a woman and the other through a man also, I believe, carries significance.
I want to focus on just one word that Sue Nelson spoke (wrote, actually) to us, but here is the entire sentence: "As I have drawn you together in Me, I will be faithful to hold you and care for you and love you uniquely unto Myself." Wow! What an encouragement! That's why I love the prophetic so much. One might be able to glean that truth from reading Scripture, but to have God speak it directly to you is something quite special.
What I love about the word "uniquely" is that it speaks of God's wonderful, amazing and infinite creativity. The One who never makes two snowflakes (or people) alike loves to mix it up, to do things differently, to catch us off guard by the new things that's He up to. Do you know why the two on the road to Emmaus failed to recognize Jesus when he appeared to them after his resurrection? Luke says that "they were kept from recognizing him", but Mark tells us how: "Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them . . ." (Mk.16:12). The whole story of God's dealings and relationship with his people is filled with this kind of thing. Over and over again He's having to break apart the boxes that the religious status quo has tried to build around Him, trying to define the Infinite One. What folly! Yet we keep doing it, don't we? I think we do it because we think it will give us a sense of security if we can make Him more predictable, more conformable to our expectations. But the opposite is what is true and real. His infinite creativity should add to our sense of security, knowing that anything is possible! God is never "challenged" by the problems and issues that threaten to overwhelm us. He specializes in turning negatives into positives, creating order out of chaos. That's when He is at His creative best!
When I read what Sue wrote to us, that God has promised to love us "uniquely" unto Himself. I think, "the sky is the limit!" What He's doing in us is not going to look like what He's doing in others, and we shouldn't expect it to. That's the limitation of professional counseling. A counselor is limited by his/her concept of what should be happening, by what they think is the right and best way to help someone. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not the whole picture. Only God sees the whole picture and He can do it any way He wants - "God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases (Ps.115:3)!"
"Our little systems have their day,
They have their day and cease to be;
They are but broken lights of Thee,
And Thou, oh Lord, art more than they!"
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
"Truth is stranger than fiction, for fiction is limited to what we can imagine and truth isn't."
- Mark Twain
I want to focus on just one word that Sue Nelson spoke (wrote, actually) to us, but here is the entire sentence: "As I have drawn you together in Me, I will be faithful to hold you and care for you and love you uniquely unto Myself." Wow! What an encouragement! That's why I love the prophetic so much. One might be able to glean that truth from reading Scripture, but to have God speak it directly to you is something quite special.
What I love about the word "uniquely" is that it speaks of God's wonderful, amazing and infinite creativity. The One who never makes two snowflakes (or people) alike loves to mix it up, to do things differently, to catch us off guard by the new things that's He up to. Do you know why the two on the road to Emmaus failed to recognize Jesus when he appeared to them after his resurrection? Luke says that "they were kept from recognizing him", but Mark tells us how: "Jesus appeared in a different form to two of them . . ." (Mk.16:12). The whole story of God's dealings and relationship with his people is filled with this kind of thing. Over and over again He's having to break apart the boxes that the religious status quo has tried to build around Him, trying to define the Infinite One. What folly! Yet we keep doing it, don't we? I think we do it because we think it will give us a sense of security if we can make Him more predictable, more conformable to our expectations. But the opposite is what is true and real. His infinite creativity should add to our sense of security, knowing that anything is possible! God is never "challenged" by the problems and issues that threaten to overwhelm us. He specializes in turning negatives into positives, creating order out of chaos. That's when He is at His creative best!
When I read what Sue wrote to us, that God has promised to love us "uniquely" unto Himself. I think, "the sky is the limit!" What He's doing in us is not going to look like what He's doing in others, and we shouldn't expect it to. That's the limitation of professional counseling. A counselor is limited by his/her concept of what should be happening, by what they think is the right and best way to help someone. Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not the whole picture. Only God sees the whole picture and He can do it any way He wants - "God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases (Ps.115:3)!"
"Our little systems have their day,
They have their day and cease to be;
They are but broken lights of Thee,
And Thou, oh Lord, art more than they!"
- Alfred Lord Tennyson
"Truth is stranger than fiction, for fiction is limited to what we can imagine and truth isn't."
- Mark Twain
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
passion
This past week I saw the movie, RAY, for the second time (story of the famous blind, black musician, Ray Charles). There were a number of very moving scenes in the film, and when the movie was over I came away with the general thought, "I, too, am a person of passion." Ray Charles had a number of passions in his life, one of which was heroin (which nearly ended his career prematurely). The passion he had for keeping a promise he had made to his mother (that he would never allow himself to act like a cripple) is what pulled him out of his addiction and kept him on track to keep fulfilling his number one passion in life - making music.
Most of my life I never would have thought of myself as a passionate person. Bruce Jones was always the cool, calm, rarely ruffled guy. I thought that was a good way to be until a bout with depression temporarily knocked me out of college and my therapist informed me that I was suppressing emotions and thus bringing on depression. Fast forward 10 years and I'm marrying someone who is hoping to have an emotionally satisfying marriage and . . . after 30 years of marriage I'm having to face head-on the reality that I'm broken and non-functional in this very important part of life! BUT, over the years I've been aware that passion has slowly been awakening in me (unfortunately it's not the romantic kind, yet). Slowly, ever so slowly, from time to time, I'll find strong emotion beginning to surface - my throat will tighten, and though tears may not actually materialize I know the first phase of crying is beginning to manifest itself. I actually did have an all-out, tears flowing, weeping session when I met with a Christian healing minister a year and a half ago. What triggered that outburst was my recounting to her the time I had to quickly and unexpectedly leave Honduras, my childhood home, due to my older sister's mental breakdown. I had no clue that this experience had such a strong, deep well of emotion that had never been able to be expressed before. How sad that I had been unable to connect fully with those feelings at the time they were occurring!
I believe there's something in our Western, Christian culture that seriously impedes and hampers the proper expression and full range of our emotions. Passion is viewed more as a negative than a positive, something to be suspicious of and kept under tight control. But I've come to the conclusion that passion is one of God's wonderful gifts to humans, to be fully appreciated and welcomed. "Be angry!" the apostle exhorts us, "but don't sin, and don't let the sun go down on your anger." The problem is not with our passions, but rather with the uncleaness in our hearts that twists our passions in a wrong direction. I know Jesus didn't say it this way, but I think he would agree with this statement: "Blessed are the passionate with pure hearts, for they shall see God."
Most of my life I never would have thought of myself as a passionate person. Bruce Jones was always the cool, calm, rarely ruffled guy. I thought that was a good way to be until a bout with depression temporarily knocked me out of college and my therapist informed me that I was suppressing emotions and thus bringing on depression. Fast forward 10 years and I'm marrying someone who is hoping to have an emotionally satisfying marriage and . . . after 30 years of marriage I'm having to face head-on the reality that I'm broken and non-functional in this very important part of life! BUT, over the years I've been aware that passion has slowly been awakening in me (unfortunately it's not the romantic kind, yet). Slowly, ever so slowly, from time to time, I'll find strong emotion beginning to surface - my throat will tighten, and though tears may not actually materialize I know the first phase of crying is beginning to manifest itself. I actually did have an all-out, tears flowing, weeping session when I met with a Christian healing minister a year and a half ago. What triggered that outburst was my recounting to her the time I had to quickly and unexpectedly leave Honduras, my childhood home, due to my older sister's mental breakdown. I had no clue that this experience had such a strong, deep well of emotion that had never been able to be expressed before. How sad that I had been unable to connect fully with those feelings at the time they were occurring!
I believe there's something in our Western, Christian culture that seriously impedes and hampers the proper expression and full range of our emotions. Passion is viewed more as a negative than a positive, something to be suspicious of and kept under tight control. But I've come to the conclusion that passion is one of God's wonderful gifts to humans, to be fully appreciated and welcomed. "Be angry!" the apostle exhorts us, "but don't sin, and don't let the sun go down on your anger." The problem is not with our passions, but rather with the uncleaness in our hearts that twists our passions in a wrong direction. I know Jesus didn't say it this way, but I think he would agree with this statement: "Blessed are the passionate with pure hearts, for they shall see God."
Sunday, June 21, 2015
hope deferred
As long as I can remember I was familiar with the proverb out of the Bible, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." The funny thing is I never knew that there was more to that proverb until I looked it up. The entire proverb goes, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a promise fulfilled is a tree of life" (Prov. 13:12). Most people would not choose this (especially the first part) as their "life verse", but this really does summarize quite concisely what my life has been both before and after marriage. When I decided to drop out of post graduate studies because I wanted to devote my life to "knowing God and making Him known", I started down a path of becoming more and more aware of the sickness within my own heart. Instead of finding a God who welcomed me with open arms I found myself continually stumbling forward, trying to grasp those hands that I knew were outstretched towards me but which seemed to be continually retreating. Getting married only intensified this process, for now there were two of us with sick hearts, trying to draw closer to God but having a hard time of it.
My wife, who is very down-to-earth, can say very clearly what her deferred hopes are: a romantically satisfying marriage, daughter healed of Downs Syndrome, and restored relationships with two sons who have been taken from her. My deferred hope is much more metaphysical and less tangible, but to me just as down-to-earth: drawing near to God, walking with Him, loving Him with my entire being, together with loving my wife (which I've come to realize cannot and must never be separated from loving God).
I haven't told too many people that Proverbs 13:12 is my wife's and my life verse, but the few we've told don't give us positive feedback. The response is a pained expression on the face or some kind of comment like, "No, no, don't identify with that kind of negative statement!" But what they don't realize, which is what is slowly starting to sink in, deeply, is that the only way to get to the second half of that verse is to go through the first half. Or to put it another way, the only way to see miracles happen (for yourself) is to really need one. Both my wife and I have been given the grace to believe that miracles should be a normal part of a believer's life. It's as simple or straightforward as hearing what God is saying and believing it (Gal. 3:5). But what do you do when you not only feel that God has told you that He is going to heal your daughter; others have also encouraged you to believe for this; and Scripture itself tells us that "nothing is impossible to them that believe" (Mt. 17:20); yet year after year goes by with nothing happening. That's what hope deferred has been for us.
Of course, one simple solution is to stop believing for such impossible things. But I don't want a God who's salvation is only in the abstract (saving me from hell and getting me to heaven after I die). I want a God whose salvation is just as evident in this present physical realm as it is in the non-physical, spiritual realm. The God that the Bible speaks of, that Jesus represented. The walk of faith is not for wimps, is it (check out Hebrews 11)? We can imitate the heroes of faith, but only to a point. I've heard it said that for faith to be genuine one must walk a path that has never been walked before. That can be scary. One can feel very vulnerable . . . and subject to heartsickness.
My wife, who is very down-to-earth, can say very clearly what her deferred hopes are: a romantically satisfying marriage, daughter healed of Downs Syndrome, and restored relationships with two sons who have been taken from her. My deferred hope is much more metaphysical and less tangible, but to me just as down-to-earth: drawing near to God, walking with Him, loving Him with my entire being, together with loving my wife (which I've come to realize cannot and must never be separated from loving God).
I haven't told too many people that Proverbs 13:12 is my wife's and my life verse, but the few we've told don't give us positive feedback. The response is a pained expression on the face or some kind of comment like, "No, no, don't identify with that kind of negative statement!" But what they don't realize, which is what is slowly starting to sink in, deeply, is that the only way to get to the second half of that verse is to go through the first half. Or to put it another way, the only way to see miracles happen (for yourself) is to really need one. Both my wife and I have been given the grace to believe that miracles should be a normal part of a believer's life. It's as simple or straightforward as hearing what God is saying and believing it (Gal. 3:5). But what do you do when you not only feel that God has told you that He is going to heal your daughter; others have also encouraged you to believe for this; and Scripture itself tells us that "nothing is impossible to them that believe" (Mt. 17:20); yet year after year goes by with nothing happening. That's what hope deferred has been for us.
Of course, one simple solution is to stop believing for such impossible things. But I don't want a God who's salvation is only in the abstract (saving me from hell and getting me to heaven after I die). I want a God whose salvation is just as evident in this present physical realm as it is in the non-physical, spiritual realm. The God that the Bible speaks of, that Jesus represented. The walk of faith is not for wimps, is it (check out Hebrews 11)? We can imitate the heroes of faith, but only to a point. I've heard it said that for faith to be genuine one must walk a path that has never been walked before. That can be scary. One can feel very vulnerable . . . and subject to heartsickness.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
divine child abuse
I ran across this phrase, "divine child abuse", in a forward to a biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. His emphasis on "costly grace" was frowned upon by those who could not wrap their minds around the idea of divine wrath and justice being satisfied by the sacrifice of God's Son on a cross. To be honest, I've never been able to wrap my mind around that either. I'm convinced that requires a revelation that only the Spirit can communicate.
What I do have a clearer grasp on, though, is that the dealings of God in my own life can indeed feel like divine child abuse, Why can't we as believers be more honest and upfront about this? The Bible certainly is! There is a whole book in the Bible (Job) devoted to the theme of bad things happening to a good person, with God's permission. I won't take the time here to give specific references to Bible passages (well, here's one: Ps,30:7b, "When you hid your face I was dismayed,"), but the Bible is full of examples of God not only withholding blessing but even causing pain. Most of the time it was for an obvious reason (sin), but not always. Did Joseph deserve to be sold into slavery and then be thrown into prison for doing the right thing? But let's cut to the chase. What does Scripture say about how the Father treated His own Son? "Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him, [to] put him to grief" (Is. 53:10). There's obviously deep mystery involved in pain and suffering that no amount of Christianeze can adequately explain.
Please don't give pat answers to those who are enduring pain and suffering because there are none. Instead, quietly come alongside and learn to listen. Understand that you are not separate from them but intricately connected. Before we can even begin to open our mouths we have to be sure that we've been able to fully identify with them in their suffering. That's what Jesus did.
The greatest mystery/suffering in my life at this point revolves around this question: Why is God taking so long to come close to me when I have spent my lifetime seeking to draw close to Him? It does feel like child abuse. That's why Jesus' parable of the unjust judge makes so much sense to me. Because a time is coming, apparently right before Jesus returns, when God will indeed appear to be an unjust judge, or an abusive father. Only the qualities of hope and patient endurance will carry us through such times, qualities we don't look forward to being trained in.
What I do have a clearer grasp on, though, is that the dealings of God in my own life can indeed feel like divine child abuse, Why can't we as believers be more honest and upfront about this? The Bible certainly is! There is a whole book in the Bible (Job) devoted to the theme of bad things happening to a good person, with God's permission. I won't take the time here to give specific references to Bible passages (well, here's one: Ps,30:7b, "When you hid your face I was dismayed,"), but the Bible is full of examples of God not only withholding blessing but even causing pain. Most of the time it was for an obvious reason (sin), but not always. Did Joseph deserve to be sold into slavery and then be thrown into prison for doing the right thing? But let's cut to the chase. What does Scripture say about how the Father treated His own Son? "Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him, [to] put him to grief" (Is. 53:10). There's obviously deep mystery involved in pain and suffering that no amount of Christianeze can adequately explain.
Please don't give pat answers to those who are enduring pain and suffering because there are none. Instead, quietly come alongside and learn to listen. Understand that you are not separate from them but intricately connected. Before we can even begin to open our mouths we have to be sure that we've been able to fully identify with them in their suffering. That's what Jesus did.
The greatest mystery/suffering in my life at this point revolves around this question: Why is God taking so long to come close to me when I have spent my lifetime seeking to draw close to Him? It does feel like child abuse. That's why Jesus' parable of the unjust judge makes so much sense to me. Because a time is coming, apparently right before Jesus returns, when God will indeed appear to be an unjust judge, or an abusive father. Only the qualities of hope and patient endurance will carry us through such times, qualities we don't look forward to being trained in.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
why I have hope
One day Jesus taught the apostles to keep praying and never stop or lose hope. He shared with them this illustration:
"In a certain town there was a civil judge, a thick-skinned and godless man who had no fear of others' opinions. And there was a poor widow in that town who kept pleading with the judge, 'Grant me justice and protect me against my oppressor'!
"He ignored her pleas for quite some time, but she kept asking. Eventually he said to himself, 'This widow keeps annoying me, demanding her rights, and I'm tired of listening to her. Even though I'm not a religious man and don't care about the opinions of others, I'll just get her off my back by answering her claims for justice and I'll rule in her favor. The she'll leave me alone'.
The Lord continued, "Did you hear what the ungodly judge said - that he would answer her persistent request? Don't you know that God, the true judge, will grant justice to all of his chosen ones who cry out to him night and day? He will pour out his Spirit upon them. He will not delay to answer you and give you what you ask for. God will give swift justice to those who don't give up.
So be ever praying, ever expecting, just like the widow was with the judge. Yet when the Son of Man comes back, will he find this kind of persistent faithfulness in his people? (Luke 18:1-8 TPT)
"In a certain town there was a civil judge, a thick-skinned and godless man who had no fear of others' opinions. And there was a poor widow in that town who kept pleading with the judge, 'Grant me justice and protect me against my oppressor'!
"He ignored her pleas for quite some time, but she kept asking. Eventually he said to himself, 'This widow keeps annoying me, demanding her rights, and I'm tired of listening to her. Even though I'm not a religious man and don't care about the opinions of others, I'll just get her off my back by answering her claims for justice and I'll rule in her favor. The she'll leave me alone'.
The Lord continued, "Did you hear what the ungodly judge said - that he would answer her persistent request? Don't you know that God, the true judge, will grant justice to all of his chosen ones who cry out to him night and day? He will pour out his Spirit upon them. He will not delay to answer you and give you what you ask for. God will give swift justice to those who don't give up.
So be ever praying, ever expecting, just like the widow was with the judge. Yet when the Son of Man comes back, will he find this kind of persistent faithfulness in his people? (Luke 18:1-8 TPT)
better?
Is it really better to walk in the darkness than to live in the illusion of light? Years ago I used to wish that I had been "saved" out of some terribly dark pit of sin so that I would have a clear testimony of God's grace and mercy. I've always felt that I was among those who love little because I've been forgiven little (or so it feels). Having been raised in a "good" Christian home, never rebelled, always done the "right" thing, I've never had a sense of being much of a sinner. In my mind I knew and had been taught how sinful we all are before a holy God, but I've never really felt it in the core of my being. Until the past couple of years. My eyes have slowly been opening up to the stark reality of a huge dysfunction (sin) that has had a debilitating effect on my marriage. My wife has been blessed with great sensitivity, as well as honesty - both characteristics that have served me well in bringing to light this truly horrible, twisted part of me. For so many years I rationalized away the seriousness of this matter, trying to encourage my wife to focus on what we do have in our marriage and not let what is lacking to trip us up.
Long story short: my growing awareness of this, along with not seeing any progress in overcoming it, has been a major contributor to my sense of walking in darkness instead of in the light. Aren't all good, Spirit-filled Christians, supposed to be walking in the light, full of love, joy, peace, etc.? I believe God has been hearing my cries to be delivered from this stronghold of the enemy, but why is He taking so long to answer and do what He promises to do for those who put their trust in Him? After going twice to a professional, Christian therapist/minister I felt very clearly that God spoke to me and said that we didn't need to look to professionals to help us in this area, that He was going to use the very weaknesses that hinder us the most as the training ground to prepare us for what He wants us to do in the future. So we quit going . . . and the struggles have continued unabated. During the last 6 months I have decided to focus on prayer, drawing closer to God, to overcome what I've ended up calling a "fear of intimacy". But God doesn't jump when we snap our fingers, does He? His ways and His timing are just not the same as ours. For now He seems content to let us continue struggling in the darkness. Even my prayers are a huge struggle. I rarely can find the right words and usually fall back on the one word that always brings me a measure of peace: "Daddy . . .Daddy . . .!"
"Who is blind but my servant,
and deaf like the messenger I send?
Who is blind like the one committed to me,
blind like the servant of the LORD?" (Isaiah 42:19)
"For judgment I have come into the world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind. . . If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains." - Jesus (Jn.9:39-41)
The mysteries of God are more satisfying than the answers of men. - G.K. Chesterton
Long story short: my growing awareness of this, along with not seeing any progress in overcoming it, has been a major contributor to my sense of walking in darkness instead of in the light. Aren't all good, Spirit-filled Christians, supposed to be walking in the light, full of love, joy, peace, etc.? I believe God has been hearing my cries to be delivered from this stronghold of the enemy, but why is He taking so long to answer and do what He promises to do for those who put their trust in Him? After going twice to a professional, Christian therapist/minister I felt very clearly that God spoke to me and said that we didn't need to look to professionals to help us in this area, that He was going to use the very weaknesses that hinder us the most as the training ground to prepare us for what He wants us to do in the future. So we quit going . . . and the struggles have continued unabated. During the last 6 months I have decided to focus on prayer, drawing closer to God, to overcome what I've ended up calling a "fear of intimacy". But God doesn't jump when we snap our fingers, does He? His ways and His timing are just not the same as ours. For now He seems content to let us continue struggling in the darkness. Even my prayers are a huge struggle. I rarely can find the right words and usually fall back on the one word that always brings me a measure of peace: "Daddy . . .Daddy . . .!"
"Who is blind but my servant,
and deaf like the messenger I send?
Who is blind like the one committed to me,
blind like the servant of the LORD?" (Isaiah 42:19)
"For judgment I have come into the world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind. . . If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains." - Jesus (Jn.9:39-41)
The mysteries of God are more satisfying than the answers of men. - G.K. Chesterton
Saturday, June 13, 2015
the valley of the shadow of death
This
has been a strange year so far. In another blog I may explain
why, but I have a great expectation of a breakthrough this year,
beginning this summer. But the lead-up so far has been anything
but, which I trust is only proving the saying that the darkness is
the greatest before the dawn. Both my wife and I have been
struggling with discouragement and spiritual fatigue. One can
only hang in there so long. I don't like to blog when I'm in a
spiritual "down" time (which is why you haven't seen any
blogs for a while). But I've decided that, 1. it's not honest
to only blog on the "good" days, and, 2. I would like to
have some record of the hard times so I don't forget what I've come
through. I don't want to ever take for granted the goodness and grace of God when it becomes more clearly manifested.
Too many words can clutter the mind so I will try and keep this and future blogs brief and to the point. Here are two short poems that came to me recently.
I thought I saw the light of dawn -
But it was only the light of man's creation.
A light rain was falling
And I didn't even know it.
I long for the downpour -
A clear sign of cleansing,
of a change so desperately needed.
Instead, a light rain falls;
Tears from heaven
mingling with mine.
"In all their affliction He was afflicted." (Isaiah 63:9)
The other day I ran across a journal I had started to keep way back in 1996. In the March 22 entry I felt I had received the following as a comforting word from God, in response to my honest admission that I felt like I was still walking in so much darkness, but was desperately wanting more of His light.
"It is better to walk in the reality of the darkness than to walk in an illusion of light."
Wow! That word spoke to me just as powerfully in my present circumstances as it did way back then. In my next blog I will explain why this word means so much to me.
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