created for intimacy II

This matter of intimacy has become a critically important issue for me, for my marriage, for my relationship with God.  What brought this into focus was the prophetic word that I received through Larry Wentz (the small group leader I referred to in an earlier post).  But it took me years to figure it out, and I'm still working on fully grasping its meaning.  Like Scripture, prophetic words need some "de-coding", some time to chew on them, mull them over in your mind and spirit, before you can begin to fully assimilate them and integrate them into your being.  The following  is the prophetic word that Larry spoke to me. These are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down while Larry was speaking them to me.

"7(rams horns) x 7(trips around Jericho) = 49  represents the wrath of God which destroys strong-holds . . . Jericho (see Joshua 6) was "tightly shut up" (like my heart) for FEAR . . . Jericho = Fear (foundation for religious spirits, intellectualism, etc.) . . . Worship begins asa battle between the flesh and the Spirit . . . #1 [thing] "holy ground" (Joshua 5) - the Lord wants to bring me - my heart - to this place . . . "Mighty man of valor" is what God wantsto make me - guarding Naboth's flocks (warrior-shepherd) . . . valor = willingness to kill everything with the sword ("every living thing") . . ."My son, give me your heart" - wholly devoted to the Lord . . . [What follows is the specific word of the Lord to me, detailing what I can expect in the future .  Again, it will appear disjointed because these are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down.] . . . "Slow moving at first . . . steady growth at a steady pace (developing intimacy and worship) . . . by mid-year the pace will speed up (I will be the only
hindrance at this point) . . . There is much land to be regained, taking back my land (taking one's inheritance). . . This is a year for development.

Why do I share this with you?  For one thing, I like to blog because it is a way to help me process how I see God  working in my life.  But I do this in hopes that it will be of encouragement to others on their spiritual journeys.  We all have very different and unique paths to walk, but I think it does help to be aware of each others' experiences. . .

For clarity's sake, let me summarize the various strands of thought that the last two months of blogging have been weaving.  First, I highlighted the darkness - the struggles and difficulties that at times have felt so overwhelming to me.  At the center of this struggle is my attempt to improve my relationship with my wife and with God.  "Intimacy" seems to be a good word to summarize what I am striving for.  It is what my wife so longs for from me and what I wish I could give her more of, but what I seem so unable to give.  And my ability to draw near to God and truly worship Him also feels quite stunted.  Psychology can probably come up with some explanation for all this, and I could have gone to get professional counseling.  But I believe that the word the Lord gave me through Larry nailed it on the head. It hasn't been a "quick fix", but it has filled me with hope that God does have a solution for this and at the right time it will manifest.  In fact, I received another prophetic word by a complete stranger (at the end of a worship time in a meeting where I was feeling totally out of it spiritually) which said the following: the Lord knows that I've been waiting a long time for something and He feels for( is sympathetic with) me about this, but what I am waiting for is coming, and I wouldn't understand why I've had to wait so long until I was "on the other side".  I knew that this was referring to my life-long search to be filled with and fully functioning in His Spirit.  My entire adult life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in on the experience of others who were being filled and "baptized" in the Spirit.  In high school in California I got to observe first hand a part of the Jesus people movement.  After that I attended fellowships and churches that were riding the wave of the charismatic movement, and then moved to North Carolina to be a part of what could be called a prophetic movement.  While there (and not entering in to what everybody else seemed to be enjoying) I finally had to realize that God simply wasn't working in me like He was in others.

And that, I believe, is where my journey toward intimacy began to take on an added dimension.  I had to get free of comparing myself with others and trying to duplicate in my experience what others were experiencing.  The Creator loves to be creative!  What a freeing realization!  I don't have to be like anybody else!  Creator can do whatever He wants to in me!

   Our God is in the heavens;
       he does whatever he pleases.   (Ps. 115:3)