embracing the darkness

So this is where I'm at in my relationship with God.  Learning to pray.  I actually prefer to think of it in James' words, "draw(ing) near to God."  But how does one "draw near" to One who is described in Hebrews 12:29 as "a consuming fire!" As believers we are taught that we should be "conformed to the image of Christ", but we aren't prepared to be turned into a pile of ashes in the process, are we?! Like the rich young ruler we are eager to learn all we can about how to "inherit eternal life".  But when faced with the darkness within our own souls it's hard to fully accept it for what it truly is - to embrace it - and thereby keep moving forward, drawing nearer to God.

Here's a thought that has just been clarified for me:  to draw near to God means we have to leave the light that we have been comfortable walking in, and plunge into the darkness that still exists in those hidden, scary parts of our soul.  Psalm 23 takes on a whole new meaning:  "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me.  Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.  Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies."  All those wonderful things we find comfort in, reading and meditating on concerning the Lord as our shepherd, will only happen as we are willing to walk, with Him, through the dark valleys of our soul.

At first I wondered if it was too strong a terminology to say, "embrace the darkness" within one's self.  But I think that is exactly what we must do.  Isn't that the whole point of Jesus' sermon on the mount (the beatitudes)?  "Blessed are the poor . . . the hungry . . . the persecuted."  Or James' preposterous exhortation to "count it all joy" when we face whatever difficulties come our way?  We embrace the darkness because it is the only way to get from the illusion of light (our comfort zones that are well lit by our own lighting system) to the purity of God's light where no darkness can exist.
Jesus embraced the darkness when he took on a human form, when he hung out with sinners.  He did the ultimate embracing of darkness when he took the penalty for our sins on his own body and went to hell so we wouldn't have to.  Only God could embrace hell itself, and overcome it.  But if we are to be his disciples He does ask us to embrace the darkness - to identify with Jesus' death, the darkest of all human experiences.  How that happens and what that will look like in every believer's life is as different and unique as we are.  But it must happen if we are to "draw near".