lurking joy

This morning, while preparing breakfast for Helen's birthday, I experienced a brief, unexpected burst of joy. It wasn't a big burst - more of a gentle upwelling. I suppose an "objective" observer would say I was simply enjoying the fact that I had the day off from work and that I was doing one of my favorite acivities - cooking up a delicious and healthy meal on a special day. But the feeling of joy came and went. It did not hang around for more than a few minutes. Before and after this encounter I was already quite content - happy even. But joy is unique in that (for me, anyway) it is rather rare; it is something more pervasive and deeply pleasureable than mere happiness.

I suspect that I am not alone in this experience of "lurking joy". If only I could coax it out of the shadows and have it as a constant companion! Is there something about me that scares it away? Do I make it feel unwelcome somehow? Or is it the nature of joy to be fleeting and elusive? Was joy a constant companion of him who was called a "man of sorrows and acquainted with grief"? Is it possible to experience more than one emotion at a time?!

One thing I do know. Joy is second only to love as one of the signiature marks of God's presence. The Holy Spirit is notoriously shy in that he's not about drawing attention to himself. But he does want to fill us.

Someone once said, "We are as close to God as we want to be." When I first heard that I wanted to object, "That's not true! I've tried hard to get close to God and so often it feels like my efforts have been in vain!" But to say that we can be as close to God as we want to be is simply a restatement of what James said - "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you."

I think the problem is that we give up too easily. I think God deliberately makes it hard to know Him as a way of testing us to see what we really want. Those things that we really want we will continuously go after - we won't let anything stop us or discourage us. But I think there is another important element in understanding joy and the presence of God. And that is the reality that God is Who He Is. He is not a Santa Claus who hands out presents to the good boy and girls. He does what He does for His own inscrutible reasons, which He may or may not share with us.
Which brings us back to the need for humility, for a purity of heart that is uncluttered with distractions. To be filled we must first be emptied.

Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure." (Lk. 10:21)