This matter of intimacy has become a critically important issue for me, for my marriage, for my relationship with God. What brought this into focus was the prophetic word that I received through Larry Wentz (the small group leader I referred to in an earlier post). But it took me years to figure it out, and I'm still working on fully grasping its meaning. Like Scripture, prophetic words need some "de-coding", some time to chew on them, mull them over in your mind and spirit, before you can begin to fully assimilate them and integrate them into your being. The following is the prophetic word that Larry spoke to me. These are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down while Larry was speaking them to me.
"7(rams horns) x 7(trips around Jericho) = 49 represents the wrath of God which destroys strong-holds . . . Jericho (see Joshua 6) was "tightly shut up" (like my heart) for FEAR . . . Jericho = Fear (foundation for religious spirits, intellectualism, etc.) . . . Worship begins asa battle between the flesh and the Spirit . . . #1 [thing] "holy ground" (Joshua 5) - the Lord wants to bring me - my heart - to this place . . . "Mighty man of valor" is what God wantsto make me - guarding Naboth's flocks (warrior-shepherd) . . . valor = willingness to kill everything with the sword ("every living thing") . . ."My son, give me your heart" - wholly devoted to the Lord . . . [What follows is the specific word of the Lord to me, detailing what I can expect in the future . Again, it will appear disjointed because these are unedited notes, just as I wrote them down.] . . . "Slow moving at first . . . steady growth at a steady pace (developing intimacy and worship) . . . by mid-year the pace will speed up (I will be the only
hindrance at this point) . . . There is much land to be regained, taking back my land (taking one's inheritance). . . This is a year for development.
Why do I share this with you? For one thing, I like to blog because it is a way to help me process how I see God working in my life. But I do this in hopes that it will be of encouragement to others on their spiritual journeys. We all have very different and unique paths to walk, but I think it does help to be aware of each others' experiences. . .
For clarity's sake, let me summarize the various strands of thought that the last two months of blogging have been weaving. First, I highlighted the darkness - the struggles and difficulties that at times have felt so overwhelming to me. At the center of this struggle is my attempt to improve my relationship with my wife and with God. "Intimacy" seems to be a good word to summarize what I am striving for. It is what my wife so longs for from me and what I wish I could give her more of, but what I seem so unable to give. And my ability to draw near to God and truly worship Him also feels quite stunted. Psychology can probably come up with some explanation for all this, and I could have gone to get professional counseling. But I believe that the word the Lord gave me through Larry nailed it on the head. It hasn't been a "quick fix", but it has filled me with hope that God does have a solution for this and at the right time it will manifest. In fact, I received another prophetic word by a complete stranger (at the end of a worship time in a meeting where I was feeling totally out of it spiritually) which said the following: the Lord knows that I've been waiting a long time for something and He feels for( is sympathetic with) me about this, but what I am waiting for is coming, and I wouldn't understand why I've had to wait so long until I was "on the other side". I knew that this was referring to my life-long search to be filled with and fully functioning in His Spirit. My entire adult life I have felt like I was on the outside looking in on the experience of others who were being filled and "baptized" in the Spirit. In high school in California I got to observe first hand a part of the Jesus people movement. After that I attended fellowships and churches that were riding the wave of the charismatic movement, and then moved to North Carolina to be a part of what could be called a prophetic movement. While there (and not entering in to what everybody else seemed to be enjoying) I finally had to realize that God simply wasn't working in me like He was in others.
And that, I believe, is where my journey toward intimacy began to take on an added dimension. I had to get free of comparing myself with others and trying to duplicate in my experience what others were experiencing. The Creator loves to be creative! What a freeing realization! I don't have to be like anybody else! Creator can do whatever He wants to in me!
Our God is in the heavens;
he does whatever he pleases. (Ps. 115:3)
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
a-part
Father . . . Daddy . . . I need you all the time, in every way! I cannot, I must not be apart from You!
I must always, in every way, be a part of You!
I must always, in every way, be a part of You!
Sunday, July 19, 2015
created for intimacy/jilted lovers
When the person you are closest to, whom you love the most, does something that hurts you, the first instinctive response is to pull away from them. The pain can be so sharp that all you want to do is to distance yourself from that pain. We've all experienced this, especially those of us who have been married. But my focus in this post is not on what we as humans experience, but rather on what our Creator, our Father in heaven, feels and experiences. We don't tend to think of God as having the same kind of feelings that we do, but nothing could be further than the truth. He doesn't have unrighteous feelings, but he certainly has the whole range of emotions that he created us to also have. For example, there are many Scriptures that refer to God as being a jealous God. Have you ever stopped to try and imagine how God must feel when we turn to something or someone other than him for comfort and security? Or to put it very bluntly, when we find Satan more attractive than God? After all. the enemy of our souls certainly appears more attractive to us than God, doesn't he? The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil will always look more interesting and enticing than the Tree of Life. So how did the Father feel when the first man and woman chose to listen to and obey the serpent rather than him? Nita Johnson, who has had many prophetic experiences and encounters with the Lord, said that Jesus told her once that the second most painful experience the Father ever had was when he had to kick Adam and Eve out of the garden (the most painful, obviously, was turning his back on his own Son, when he hung on the cross).
Theologians may be able to help us get some facts straight about God, but I don't think they have been very helpful in terms of helping us connect with God on a personal, intimate level. They can give a very logical and even accurate reason for why God had to keep Adam and Eve at arm's length, so to speak, after they sinned. Or why God had to exile his people from the land for 70 years after they had consistently turned their backs on him. Or why God warned the Ephesian church in Revelation 2 that if they didn't repent he would have to remove the "lampstand" (the light of his presence) from them. Yes, God is too holy to tolerate sin. But if we stopped to imagine his feelings, I think we would be much more impacted and maybe, just maybe, think twice before we jump back into our favorite sin. Here are some Scriptures that reveal something about how God feels:
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has born?
Though she may forget,
I still will not forget! (Isaiah 49:15)
" O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone
those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your
children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings,
but you were not willing!" (Mt.23:37)
Somehow I find it helpful and even critically important to get beyond my own feelings and connect with the reality of God's feelings. Isn't that what intimacy is all about, what God created us for . . . to connect with him (as well as others, especially our spouses) at an emotional level? One of the most emotionally disturbing stories in the Bible is where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on an altar. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, God was wanting to communicate something to his close friend at an emotional level? Don't you think God wants to communicate with any and all of us who want to get to know him better, at that same emotional (not just intellectual) level? And what do we do, when in the process of trying to draw closer to God, we feel jilted, abandoned by him?
Theologians may be able to help us get some facts straight about God, but I don't think they have been very helpful in terms of helping us connect with God on a personal, intimate level. They can give a very logical and even accurate reason for why God had to keep Adam and Eve at arm's length, so to speak, after they sinned. Or why God had to exile his people from the land for 70 years after they had consistently turned their backs on him. Or why God warned the Ephesian church in Revelation 2 that if they didn't repent he would have to remove the "lampstand" (the light of his presence) from them. Yes, God is too holy to tolerate sin. But if we stopped to imagine his feelings, I think we would be much more impacted and maybe, just maybe, think twice before we jump back into our favorite sin. Here are some Scriptures that reveal something about how God feels:
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has born?
Though she may forget,
I still will not forget! (Isaiah 49:15)
" O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone
those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your
children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings,
but you were not willing!" (Mt.23:37)
Somehow I find it helpful and even critically important to get beyond my own feelings and connect with the reality of God's feelings. Isn't that what intimacy is all about, what God created us for . . . to connect with him (as well as others, especially our spouses) at an emotional level? One of the most emotionally disturbing stories in the Bible is where God asks Abraham to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, on an altar. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, God was wanting to communicate something to his close friend at an emotional level? Don't you think God wants to communicate with any and all of us who want to get to know him better, at that same emotional (not just intellectual) level? And what do we do, when in the process of trying to draw closer to God, we feel jilted, abandoned by him?
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
"preposterous"
I don't receive prophetic "words" very often. On average I would say that I probably get a "word" about once or twice a year and it is always in the form of an impression, a sense that a particular thought I'm having did not originate from myself bur from God. Other forms that prophetic words or revelations can come in are dreams, visions, trances or even by an audible voice. Impressions, though, are the most common form, at least for word-oriented people like myself. Visually-oriented individuals (like my wife) are more likely to get dreams or visions.
One of the first "words" I ever got was literally just one word, the word preposterous. How do I know that this was a "prophetic" word, that God was the one speaking this into my spirit? I can't give you an intellectually satisfying answer to that question. All I know is that when this word dropped into my consciousness it really caught my attention and I've pondered the significance of it ever since. The meaning of preposterous is: "contrary to nature, reason, or common sense . . . absurd." As the word itself suggests, it is the reversing of the proper order of things, putting "pre" where "post" should be or vice-a-versa. Drawing a tail on the nose of an animal is preposterous. A child correcting a parent, or worse yet, being elected president, is preposterous.
So why would God speak this word, preposterous, to me? I think he was wanting to clue me in to an important reality concerning the nature of his kingdom, of how he likes to operate. Some, in fact, have called the kingdom of God, the "upside down kingdom". Of course, it is man's kingdoms that are really upside down, right? When God takes over and turns our little kingdoms upside down he's really turning things right side up, the way they were originally intended to be. God's ways will always appear preposterous to our human way of thinking and operating. Ever since man listened to the original question/lie - "Did God say? . . . You won't die, you'll become just like God!" - we have been living in a preposterous, upside down world. But we think our way of thinking and behaving makes perfect sense, so when God intervenes and shows us the truth, the truth can appear to be quite preposterous at first. It can actually take some time to make the adjustment. In fact, we're always having to make adjustments (getting our "pre" and "posts" in the right order) the closer we get to God.
As I explore the value and importance of the prophetic (hearing the voice of God) in the coming posts, and compare that to the importance and value of the written Word, the Scriptures, be prepared for some adjustments in your thinking. Anyone who is serious about understanding the Scriptures and obeying the voice of God has to be in a continual mode of adjusting one's self to the preposterous nature of his kingdom.
One of the first "words" I ever got was literally just one word, the word preposterous. How do I know that this was a "prophetic" word, that God was the one speaking this into my spirit? I can't give you an intellectually satisfying answer to that question. All I know is that when this word dropped into my consciousness it really caught my attention and I've pondered the significance of it ever since. The meaning of preposterous is: "contrary to nature, reason, or common sense . . . absurd." As the word itself suggests, it is the reversing of the proper order of things, putting "pre" where "post" should be or vice-a-versa. Drawing a tail on the nose of an animal is preposterous. A child correcting a parent, or worse yet, being elected president, is preposterous.
So why would God speak this word, preposterous, to me? I think he was wanting to clue me in to an important reality concerning the nature of his kingdom, of how he likes to operate. Some, in fact, have called the kingdom of God, the "upside down kingdom". Of course, it is man's kingdoms that are really upside down, right? When God takes over and turns our little kingdoms upside down he's really turning things right side up, the way they were originally intended to be. God's ways will always appear preposterous to our human way of thinking and operating. Ever since man listened to the original question/lie - "Did God say? . . . You won't die, you'll become just like God!" - we have been living in a preposterous, upside down world. But we think our way of thinking and behaving makes perfect sense, so when God intervenes and shows us the truth, the truth can appear to be quite preposterous at first. It can actually take some time to make the adjustment. In fact, we're always having to make adjustments (getting our "pre" and "posts" in the right order) the closer we get to God.
As I explore the value and importance of the prophetic (hearing the voice of God) in the coming posts, and compare that to the importance and value of the written Word, the Scriptures, be prepared for some adjustments in your thinking. Anyone who is serious about understanding the Scriptures and obeying the voice of God has to be in a continual mode of adjusting one's self to the preposterous nature of his kingdom.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
mid-year
[Note to those who read my first posting of "mid-year": I accidentally deleted it! This second writing of "mid-year" may turn out a little different than the first one . . .]
In my first posting of this new round of posts (beginning in June) I said that I might explain at some point why I am expecting a "breakthrough" this summer. Here's the explanation.
About 15 years ago a leader of a small group (of the church I was involved in at the time) gave me a rather detailed prophetic word that the Lord had given him to give me. The word ended by giving a time-frame: by "mid-year" my growth in intimacy and worship would accelerate. There was much more to this word then that, but I just want to fill you in on why I have been expectant about the middle of this year. Of course, 15 years have come and gone without this word being fulfilled and every summer I ask myself, "Could this be the year?" What's different about this year is that there is a growing consensus among leading prophetic voices that by this Fall a new move of God (some would even call it another Great Awakening) will begin to gain traction in our nation. I have shifted my expectation from this summer to the Fall, not only because of what these prophets are saying, but also because I've realized that according to God's calendar (the one He gave the Israelites) - which begins at Pesach (Passover), in the Spring - The Fall would be at the middle of the year. And then to top it off, this Fall, at Succot (Feast of Tabernacles), there will be occurring the last of the 4 blood moons. [If you haven't learned about these 4 blood moons, do a google search, and discover something truly amazing about these signs in the heavens that have been occurring. Scripture is clear that God speaks through the celestial bodies. The sun, moon, and stars are given to be for "signs and for seasons" (Gen. 1:14).] So, now you see why I have a heightened expectation for "mid-year". I've just moved my expectation a few months back for the reasons given above.
Now I know that prophecy is a controversial and divisive thing in the church today. Many Christians do not believe that this gift is in operation today, that it only was in existence during Biblical times. So I know that I'm opening up a whole can of worms, so to speak, to bring this topic up. But prophecy has played a major role in my life and marriage so it would be impossible for me to avoid bringing it up sooner or later. In my next post I will begin to "unpack" what prophecy means to me and why it is to be sought after even more than any of the other spiritual gifts (see the entire chapter of I Corinthians 14).
In my first posting of this new round of posts (beginning in June) I said that I might explain at some point why I am expecting a "breakthrough" this summer. Here's the explanation.
About 15 years ago a leader of a small group (of the church I was involved in at the time) gave me a rather detailed prophetic word that the Lord had given him to give me. The word ended by giving a time-frame: by "mid-year" my growth in intimacy and worship would accelerate. There was much more to this word then that, but I just want to fill you in on why I have been expectant about the middle of this year. Of course, 15 years have come and gone without this word being fulfilled and every summer I ask myself, "Could this be the year?" What's different about this year is that there is a growing consensus among leading prophetic voices that by this Fall a new move of God (some would even call it another Great Awakening) will begin to gain traction in our nation. I have shifted my expectation from this summer to the Fall, not only because of what these prophets are saying, but also because I've realized that according to God's calendar (the one He gave the Israelites) - which begins at Pesach (Passover), in the Spring - The Fall would be at the middle of the year. And then to top it off, this Fall, at Succot (Feast of Tabernacles), there will be occurring the last of the 4 blood moons. [If you haven't learned about these 4 blood moons, do a google search, and discover something truly amazing about these signs in the heavens that have been occurring. Scripture is clear that God speaks through the celestial bodies. The sun, moon, and stars are given to be for "signs and for seasons" (Gen. 1:14).] So, now you see why I have a heightened expectation for "mid-year". I've just moved my expectation a few months back for the reasons given above.
Now I know that prophecy is a controversial and divisive thing in the church today. Many Christians do not believe that this gift is in operation today, that it only was in existence during Biblical times. So I know that I'm opening up a whole can of worms, so to speak, to bring this topic up. But prophecy has played a major role in my life and marriage so it would be impossible for me to avoid bringing it up sooner or later. In my next post I will begin to "unpack" what prophecy means to me and why it is to be sought after even more than any of the other spiritual gifts (see the entire chapter of I Corinthians 14).
Saturday, July 4, 2015
appreciating the process
A piano teacher, knowing that his students would have a hard time understanding the necessity of practicing tedious scales and drills on the piano over and over again, was known to tell his students that it was important for them to "appreciate the process" if they were going to become a good piano player. I think this sums up well what I've been trying to say in regards to embracing the darkness. The process of entering into and living in the light of God and His truth begins by recognizing the darkness for what it is. Did you know that in the Hebrew worldview the 24 hour period that we call a "day" begins at sundown, at night, not in the morning? In Genesis 1, at the end of each day of creation, it says "And there was evening, and there was morning." The darkness was the starting point. To finish well we must start well. In the dark.
How did Saul of Tarsus begin his conversion experience? In the dark. In order for God to get him to see, he first had to strike him blind. Up until then he probably thought of himself as a pretty righteous guy, someone who had a clear grasp on God's truth. Over the course of his training and preparation for ministry he experienced many apocalypses - revelations - which one would think would have made him feel like he was filled with light, like he had finally "arrived". But when you examine Paul's writings you discover something that's hard to believe. Early in his writings he describes himself as equal to the other apostles. Later, he calls himself the least of the apostles. And in one of his last letters he refers to himself as "the chief of sinners"! The genius of Paul was that he didn't allow his supernatural gifts and revelations to feed his pride, but rather used the light he was given to actually highlight the darkness that was still in him. He never shied away from it but embraced it because it was a continual reminder to him that God's power is made perfect in his weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
So, let's not fear the darkness. Rather, we should beware of false lights that give us a false sense of security rather than increasing our dependency and connection to the Lord ("the simplicity that is in Christ" KJV, 1 Cor. 11:3c). Note the contrast in this passage from Isaiah between those who "walk in the dark" and those who "walk in the light of your fires":
"Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches;
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment."
- Isaiah 50:10,11
Embrace the present torments of life, for they can save you from much worse ones in the future.
How did Saul of Tarsus begin his conversion experience? In the dark. In order for God to get him to see, he first had to strike him blind. Up until then he probably thought of himself as a pretty righteous guy, someone who had a clear grasp on God's truth. Over the course of his training and preparation for ministry he experienced many apocalypses - revelations - which one would think would have made him feel like he was filled with light, like he had finally "arrived". But when you examine Paul's writings you discover something that's hard to believe. Early in his writings he describes himself as equal to the other apostles. Later, he calls himself the least of the apostles. And in one of his last letters he refers to himself as "the chief of sinners"! The genius of Paul was that he didn't allow his supernatural gifts and revelations to feed his pride, but rather used the light he was given to actually highlight the darkness that was still in him. He never shied away from it but embraced it because it was a continual reminder to him that God's power is made perfect in his weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
So, let's not fear the darkness. Rather, we should beware of false lights that give us a false sense of security rather than increasing our dependency and connection to the Lord ("the simplicity that is in Christ" KJV, 1 Cor. 11:3c). Note the contrast in this passage from Isaiah between those who "walk in the dark" and those who "walk in the light of your fires":
"Let him who walks in the dark,
who has no light,
trust in the name of the LORD
and rely on his God.
But now, all you who light fires
and provide yourselves with flaming torches;
go, walk in the light of your fires
and of the torches you have set ablaze.
This is what you shall receive from my hand:
You will lie down in torment."
- Isaiah 50:10,11
Embrace the present torments of life, for they can save you from much worse ones in the future.
piercing the darkness
I don't know about you but I am in desperate need of a breakthrough! The darkness within me and all around me can feel overwhelming at times. But what gives me hope is the word that is used for the last book of the Bible - apocalypse. This word is translated by the more modern term, revelation, and it literally means, "to break through." Paul uses this word in Romans 1:17 when speaking of how "a righteousness from God is revealed (apocalypsus - "broken through") in the gospel, the good news concerning Jesus Christ. And this word also points to the most critical aspect of Jesus' response to Peter right after Peter made his famous confession of faith: "You are the Christ (messiah, anointed one), the Son of the living God." Jesus made it clear to Peter that he had just experienced an apocalypse, a revelation. The rock on which Jesus would build his church would, yes, include the need for Peter and his successors to pass on his teachings, and yes, the need for properly confessing Jesus as the Christ. But the most important point that we must not miss, is that all this can only happen with an apocalypse, a revelation, that originates from the Father (Mt. 16::17).
Even though I have confidence in my salvation, because my faith and trust are in Jesus to save me from sin and death, I feel the need to be "born again", again. When Jesus first spoke of another birth it was a dynamic, new, living word and reality. But now it has become status quo and it has lost so much of its original power. There is still so much within me that needs saving! Many would try to console me by saying that in this life we will never receive our full salvation, that I need to be patient and just wait until I go to heaven or Jesus comes back. That's fine, and I do find comfort in that. But I've also become convinced that there is so much more of God's salvation that He intends for us to experience now. The promise of future rewards in heaven is dependent on how well we are overcomers in this life. I can't bear to continue in the Laodicean condition of lukewarmness any longer. I don't want to be the proverbial frog that is slowly being boiled to death because it is continually acclimating itself to the rising temperatures!
My prayers these days run something like this: "Daddy, I am a fool and will always be a fool apart from You. But I don't want to be apart from You! Draw me close. I don't know how to draw closer to you. Pierce my darkness!"
Even though I have confidence in my salvation, because my faith and trust are in Jesus to save me from sin and death, I feel the need to be "born again", again. When Jesus first spoke of another birth it was a dynamic, new, living word and reality. But now it has become status quo and it has lost so much of its original power. There is still so much within me that needs saving! Many would try to console me by saying that in this life we will never receive our full salvation, that I need to be patient and just wait until I go to heaven or Jesus comes back. That's fine, and I do find comfort in that. But I've also become convinced that there is so much more of God's salvation that He intends for us to experience now. The promise of future rewards in heaven is dependent on how well we are overcomers in this life. I can't bear to continue in the Laodicean condition of lukewarmness any longer. I don't want to be the proverbial frog that is slowly being boiled to death because it is continually acclimating itself to the rising temperatures!
My prayers these days run something like this: "Daddy, I am a fool and will always be a fool apart from You. But I don't want to be apart from You! Draw me close. I don't know how to draw closer to you. Pierce my darkness!"
embracing the darkness
So this is where I'm at in my relationship with God. Learning to pray. I actually prefer to think of it in James' words, "draw(ing) near to God." But how does one "draw near" to One who is described in Hebrews 12:29 as "a consuming fire!" As believers we are taught that we should be "conformed to the image of Christ", but we aren't prepared to be turned into a pile of ashes in the process, are we?! Like the rich young ruler we are eager to learn all we can about how to "inherit eternal life". But when faced with the darkness within our own souls it's hard to fully accept it for what it truly is - to embrace it - and thereby keep moving forward, drawing nearer to God.
Here's a thought that has just been clarified for me: to draw near to God means we have to leave the light that we have been comfortable walking in, and plunge into the darkness that still exists in those hidden, scary parts of our soul. Psalm 23 takes on a whole new meaning: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies." All those wonderful things we find comfort in, reading and meditating on concerning the Lord as our shepherd, will only happen as we are willing to walk, with Him, through the dark valleys of our soul.
At first I wondered if it was too strong a terminology to say, "embrace the darkness" within one's self. But I think that is exactly what we must do. Isn't that the whole point of Jesus' sermon on the mount (the beatitudes)? "Blessed are the poor . . . the hungry . . . the persecuted." Or James' preposterous exhortation to "count it all joy" when we face whatever difficulties come our way? We embrace the darkness because it is the only way to get from the illusion of light (our comfort zones that are well lit by our own lighting system) to the purity of God's light where no darkness can exist.
Jesus embraced the darkness when he took on a human form, when he hung out with sinners. He did the ultimate embracing of darkness when he took the penalty for our sins on his own body and went to hell so we wouldn't have to. Only God could embrace hell itself, and overcome it. But if we are to be his disciples He does ask us to embrace the darkness - to identify with Jesus' death, the darkest of all human experiences. How that happens and what that will look like in every believer's life is as different and unique as we are. But it must happen if we are to "draw near".
Here's a thought that has just been clarified for me: to draw near to God means we have to leave the light that we have been comfortable walking in, and plunge into the darkness that still exists in those hidden, scary parts of our soul. Psalm 23 takes on a whole new meaning: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies." All those wonderful things we find comfort in, reading and meditating on concerning the Lord as our shepherd, will only happen as we are willing to walk, with Him, through the dark valleys of our soul.
At first I wondered if it was too strong a terminology to say, "embrace the darkness" within one's self. But I think that is exactly what we must do. Isn't that the whole point of Jesus' sermon on the mount (the beatitudes)? "Blessed are the poor . . . the hungry . . . the persecuted." Or James' preposterous exhortation to "count it all joy" when we face whatever difficulties come our way? We embrace the darkness because it is the only way to get from the illusion of light (our comfort zones that are well lit by our own lighting system) to the purity of God's light where no darkness can exist.
Jesus embraced the darkness when he took on a human form, when he hung out with sinners. He did the ultimate embracing of darkness when he took the penalty for our sins on his own body and went to hell so we wouldn't have to. Only God could embrace hell itself, and overcome it. But if we are to be his disciples He does ask us to embrace the darkness - to identify with Jesus' death, the darkest of all human experiences. How that happens and what that will look like in every believer's life is as different and unique as we are. But it must happen if we are to "draw near".
recognizing our darkness
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be stripped of everything . . . except God? I read once of a Chinese pastor who was thrown in jail and was not allowed to see anyone or read anything. He was not allowed to have or read his most treasured possession, the Bible. But that became the most transformative time of his life. He discovered that his relationship to God grew in new ways that had never occurred before. In a sense, the Bible itself had become a barrier between himself and God. Once that was taken away he was left with nothing else - just him and God. Scary at first. Downright terrifying, in fact, to be so alone, in blackness. In your head you know there's a God, and that He's with you. But how do you relate to someone you can't see or touch or relate to as you would another human?
Growing up in a Christian home I was taught the importance of having a "daily quiet time", a time set apart for Bible study and prayer every day. Throughout my early years in life I was quite faithful at doing this. But by the time I was in college I started losing interest because I recognized that this had become too much of an empty ritual. At times I would gain some refreshment from it, but that seemed to be happening less and less. Something was wrong. So I quit, and I haven't practiced a "daily quiet time" ever since (gasp!).
What was wrong? I've pondered this quite a bit over the years. One conclusion I've come to is that I wish prayer would have been emphasized over Bible study. I think the reason that Bible study becomes so much of an emphasis is because it is something tangible that we can hang on to with our minds. The problem with this is that our relationship with God becomes a mental exercise instead of a truly spiritual one (I'm generalizing, of course). I would never advocate getting rid of our Bibles or our study of it. But I do think that it's a good idea to emphasize prayer ahead of study. When I did this I discovered how underdeveloped this part of me was, and still is. To let go of a purely intellectual relationship with God (which is what Bible study tends to promote) and seek a more spirit-to-spirit relationship has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It is definitely leaving one's comfort zone (a well-lit place) and entering into a kind of darkness (unknown and undefined). Does this seem strange? If "God is light", why should it seem dark to move in his direction?
I think the answer has to do with the difference between God's light and the light of our own making. And the two may not be easy to distinguish. There are times when we know without a question that God's light has pierced our darkness. We experience his joy, his love, etc. But instead of cultivating the relationship we tend to want to hang on to that wonderful experience and keep duplicating it. A subtle shift happens whereby the focus changes from actually loving Him to loving those things that were instrumental in bringing us to Him. Before we know it He has taken a turn in another direction and we are still going down the road we assume He is still on (like the time it took Jesus' parents three days to notice that he was no longer with them on their journey home from Jerusalem!)
"You diligently study the Scriptures." Jesus said to the Pharisees, "because you think that by them you possess eternal life. . . yet you refuse to come to me to have life" (Jn. 5:39-40).
Growing up in a Christian home I was taught the importance of having a "daily quiet time", a time set apart for Bible study and prayer every day. Throughout my early years in life I was quite faithful at doing this. But by the time I was in college I started losing interest because I recognized that this had become too much of an empty ritual. At times I would gain some refreshment from it, but that seemed to be happening less and less. Something was wrong. So I quit, and I haven't practiced a "daily quiet time" ever since (gasp!).
What was wrong? I've pondered this quite a bit over the years. One conclusion I've come to is that I wish prayer would have been emphasized over Bible study. I think the reason that Bible study becomes so much of an emphasis is because it is something tangible that we can hang on to with our minds. The problem with this is that our relationship with God becomes a mental exercise instead of a truly spiritual one (I'm generalizing, of course). I would never advocate getting rid of our Bibles or our study of it. But I do think that it's a good idea to emphasize prayer ahead of study. When I did this I discovered how underdeveloped this part of me was, and still is. To let go of a purely intellectual relationship with God (which is what Bible study tends to promote) and seek a more spirit-to-spirit relationship has been the hardest thing I've ever done. It is definitely leaving one's comfort zone (a well-lit place) and entering into a kind of darkness (unknown and undefined). Does this seem strange? If "God is light", why should it seem dark to move in his direction?
I think the answer has to do with the difference between God's light and the light of our own making. And the two may not be easy to distinguish. There are times when we know without a question that God's light has pierced our darkness. We experience his joy, his love, etc. But instead of cultivating the relationship we tend to want to hang on to that wonderful experience and keep duplicating it. A subtle shift happens whereby the focus changes from actually loving Him to loving those things that were instrumental in bringing us to Him. Before we know it He has taken a turn in another direction and we are still going down the road we assume He is still on (like the time it took Jesus' parents three days to notice that he was no longer with them on their journey home from Jerusalem!)
"You diligently study the Scriptures." Jesus said to the Pharisees, "because you think that by them you possess eternal life. . . yet you refuse to come to me to have life" (Jn. 5:39-40).
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