my earliest awakenings

Having been raised in a stream or branch of the Church that strongly emphasized the importance of having a "personal relationship with the Lord", I was very sensitive to the fact that my "salvation experience" was not very well defined or emotionally impacting. My parents wish they had done a better job in helping me with this decision; but be that as it may, the only thing that I can point to as my time of decision to "invite Jesus into my life (as Lord and Saviour)" was a time when I was alone in my room (somewhere around early adolescence - don't have a specific date for it) and I decided it was time to do business with God. I had been taught well what the requirements were to "be saved", so, wanting to enter in to the salvation that was offerred me in Jesus, I prayed the sinner's prayer and accepted Jesus as my Saviour. Not too many years later, knowing that I would soon be returning to the United States, I decided that I wanted to be baptized in the country that I had been raised in and felt like home. I especially wanted to be baptized outdoors in a stream (typical for small, rural churches in Latinamerica) instead of indoors in a church building. So I was baptized by my Dad, along with a handful of other Hondurans, in a "pozo" (dammed up pool in a stream) not far from where our church was on the edge of town.

These were the most significant events of my early spiritual pilgrimmage. But what is outstanding to me about these two decisions was that I did them virtually out of a sense of duty. I was taught that this was the right thing to do, I believed it, so I did it. There was not much emotion involved or any significant change that took place, inwardly or outwardly, that I was cognizant of. Life went on as it always had.
Please understand that I am trying to relate my experience as straighforwardly and objectively
as possible without dressing it up with "spiritual" explanations or commentary. I also don't want to over-evaluate or get too introspective about it all. I want to tell my story as simply as I know how.

What I see as significant about my high-school years was that I was exposed to what was called the "Jesus Movement" in California. This had all the marks of a genuine move of God and it was exciting to see some of it first hand, up close. I don't doubt that the encounters I had with these hippies who had left "free sex" and drugs in order to get "turned on to Jesus", left an impact on me and contributed significantly to whatever initial hunger for God that was stirring within me.
Another sign of the spiritual "stirrings" going on within me at this time was my involvement with a student-led Bible study on campus.

Not having a clear vocational direction to move towards after high school, I opted for a Christian liberal arts college that had a good soccer program (it also happened to be the college both of my parents attended). My choice of Biblical Studies for a major simply reflected what I was most interested in studying, but I graduated with no more clarity as to what I wanted to do with the rest of my life than when I started college. All I knew was that I had a desire to be involved in "full-time Christian ministry", but didn't have a clue how to bring more focus to it than that. I do know that I was dissatified with what I had seen and experienced to date in regards to "Christian ministry" and that I felt very much like a "seeker" instead of someone who was ready to go out and help others get it together spiritually. After groping around for direction I finally took the plunge and applied to (and got accepted at) a graduate program at the University of Maryland in Adult Non-Formal Education. This would have set me on a course toward working in the sphere of third world development which I thought I would be cut out for because of my having grown up in a third world country.

But then something happened that changed the course of my life forever. I still remember the restaurant where I ate a meal with my best friend and his best friend. We spent our time in deep, heart-felt conversation about spiritual things, things pertaining to God and our relationship with Him. It was such a rich time! That very night it dawned on me that there was only one thing that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to devote the rest of my life to knowing God and making him known. If I were of a spiritual tradition that believed in monasticism I probably would have become a monk. But one thing I knew for sure: I could not follow through with my plans for graduate school. I knew I was letting some people down by dropping out, but it was a relief to do so. My truest desires had come to the surface and I knew I had to follow them and not give in to societal pressures to have a career path to show for myself.

The result of this discovery and my choosing to "follow my heart" was . . . depression and more confusion. It was not a fun time. My favorite professor from college felt like I was throwing away what I had gained from my education. What was a college graduate with a Bachelors' degree to do? How about working a night shift at a UPS loading dock, for starters? I did that for eight years and during that time I got married and started a family. By then one thing had become quite clear to me. Whatever "ministry" God might have in mind for me, I decided that the best way to prepare for it would be in the real, work-a-day world. Looking back now, almost 30 years later, I have no regrets. I see that God indeed used the "school of hard knocks" to prepare me for what lay, and still lies, ahead.

Next, I'll cover some more unexpected twists and turns as I was seeking to be faithful to my heart's desire, to know God.