beginning a less traveled road

As I reflect on those years following my graduation from college (the decade of my 20's), and as I look at them from the perspective and benefit of the bigger picture (of my entire 56 years), I must conclude that there was an even more momentous event that took place at that time. I've already referred to it in passing and am actually ashamed that I glossed over it so quickly. At the time I didn't recognize it as that momentous, but over the years I have come to see how truly providential this event really was. I am referring to my marriage to Becky.

It took me awhile (2 1/2 years after meeting her) to see what Becky had to offer that I really wanted in a wife. Up until getting to know her I had assumed I would marry someone from a similar church background as myself. Not that Becky's church background was too terribly different than mine, but there were enough differences that for someone like myself who placed spirituality at the top of my list of priorities, this was no small thing. But as I got to know her over time I eventually saw that she had something that, to me, was the most important quality of all. She had the same heartfelt desire to know the truth - to be real, to be a person of integrity, that I was struggling to be. I was defining this inner drive in terms of wanting to "know God". Becky didn't necessarily have words or concepts to define her innermost desires, but I would call what most attracted me to her as "simple, uncomplicated integrity". Even though she had been walking a path that was in some ways quite different than mine, I came to the conclusion that at the core of our beings, we were actually walking very similar, though parallel, paths.

So, we decided to join our paths, and that decision has indeed "made all the difference" in terms of the direction that it would take me(us) in. But the "difference" took awhile to become self-evident. At first, Becky had her hands full learning to be a mom of an ever-expanding family, not to mention being married to this college graduate who had no clue what he really wanted in life yet who had these lofty spiritual ideals. It would take about 20 years for me to begin to realize the deep impact this quiet, country girl was having on my life. But I'm not at that point in this story yet. I just want to alert you to the fact that marrying Becky really was a singularly important event in those post-college years.

After marrying and having four children some things transpired to move us from the suburbs to the country. The churches I had tried to sink my roots into were literally dissolving apart around me (I was drawn to pioneering-types which, as it turned out, didn't have much staying power), I was not making any progress vocation-wise and Becky's and my best friends were all moving out of town. Becky had run across a book in the local health-food store entitled BACK TO THE LAND, and this stirred up in her the desire to return to her roots in the country. At this time in my life people were the most important element in my life. I wanted to live close to good churches and good friends. But, as I said, the ones I was involved with were dispersing, and when Becky expressed the desire to move to the country my response was, "there's nothing holding us here anymore." So, we ended up on a 4-acre "farmette", thinking this was where we could settle and raise our growing family. Little did we know that this quiet, pastoral setting would be the place where our young family would experience the most shattering experience of our life together.