the language of heaven

Would you like to be able to speak and understand the same language that God speaks? Those of you who are linguists or who love words and learning foreign languages might think I'm referring to Hebrew, or Greek, as God's preferred language. But the language that God has always preferred to use when communicating with humankind goes way beyond just one ethnic group. Consider these Scriptures and see if you agree that the language of heaven (intended for human ears) is the physical, created order: stars, galaxies, plants, animals, sand, clay, water, wind, fire, lightning, clouds, etc., etc.

By the word of the LORD were the heavens made . . . he spoke and it came to be. (Ps.33:6,9)

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth their speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world. (Ps. 19:1-4)

Since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. (Rom. 1:20)

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. (Jn 1:14)

Jesus began to teach by the lake . . . He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said, "Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed . . ."

Then Jesus said to them, "Don't you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable?" . . .

With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand. He did not say anything to them without using a parable. (Mark 4)

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit. . . I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?" (Jn. 3:8,12)

That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched - this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. (I Jn. 1:1)

Did you notice how "earthy", how sensual (pertaining to the senses) God's communication to us is? None of this highly metaphysical, philosophically astute, academically refined stuff in God's manner of speaking. Oh, He can talk that way if He wants (Paul's letters tend somewhat in that direction), but that's not His preferred or most common way of speaking. He not only enjoys using very down-to- earth ways of speaking, he also enjoys speaking through the most ordinary and common of people, as this last Scripture makes quite clear to us:

In the last days, God says,

I will pour out my Spirit on all people.

Your sons and daughters will prophesy,

your young men will see visions,

your old men will dream dreams. . .

I will show wonders in the heavens above

and signs on the earth below,

blood and fire and billows of smoke.

The sun will be turned to darkness

and the moon to blood . . . (Acts 2:17-20)

When God wants to make sure His message gets through to us you can be sure He will use the most effective language possible, and it will involve all of our senses!

So, today, as we reflect again on the most amazing communication of all - the Word becoming flesh - may we resolve to continue expanding our awareness of the innumerable other ways in which our Father is speaking to us through his creation.

a robust hope

"And now abideth faith, hope and love . . ."

Have you ever wondered why hope gets short-changed in comparison to all the attention faith and love get? I think part of the problem is that the English definition of "hope" falls far short of the true, Biblical definition. In Scripture, hope is just as real and solid a reality as the past and present. It has nothing to do with the wishful thinking that it has come to mean in the English language. It originates from the same eternal Word that brought everything we know into existence.

But there is another reason why I think hope has remained such an obscure concept. Even when we talk about our hope as Christians, wanting to base it on the Bible, the focus inevitably seems stuck on trying to imagine what "heaven" will be like. After all, isn't that what we look forward to after we die? Because heaven is such an ethereal, non-physical place (where God dwells), it's no surprise that we have a hard time relating to it or even really looking forward to spending eternity there. I believe that it's time to re-examine this wimpy view of "the Christian hope" to see if it is true to Scripture, because I believe it falls desperately short.

First of all, and most important to my world view, is that hope is something very tangible and physical. It is also very relevant to the here-and-now. Whether we know it or not everyone lives according to the hope that they have. The clearer and more focused that hope is the more purposeful and "on-track" one can be. Let's look at just a few Scriptures that will help to bring into sharper focus just what the "Christian hope" is, and let these truths shape the way we live in the present.

"Be fruitful . . . fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over . . . every living creature" (Gen. 1:28)

I saw thrones on which were seated those who had been given authority to judge . . .they came to life and reigned with Christ a thousand years. (Rev. 20: 4)

"The time has come for judging . . . for rewarding . . . for destroying those who destroy the earth." (Rev. 11:18)

I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride, beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them." (Rev. 21:2,3)

. . . we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. (2 Pet. 3:13)

What comes across clear as a bell to me in these Scriptures is that our hope is a very physical hope that is tied to God's creation. God created us to be fully engaged in this earth as caretakers and co-rulers with Him. And that responsibility only increases, not diminishes, when Jesus returns. Even after the millenium is over the Biblical picture is not of us heading up to heaven, but of God coming down from heaven to live with us! How's that for a paradigm shift! God loves the world (i.e people and all of creation) so much that he actually wants to come and live with us! Of course, He's going to have to do some remodeling before He moves in with us, but you get the picture. That's what I call a robust hope. That is something that should impact the way we live in the here and now. Don't we want to live our lives, both physically and spiritually, in such a way that it fits in with the "big picture" of what He is up to? I sure do!

We are in the Advent season, proclaiming not only the first coming of Christ (Messiah, "annointed one", King), but also the hope, the looking forward to his return again to reign. Are we living lives that are truly welcoming of Him and His agenda in this world He created us to exercise wise dominion over?

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!

Let earth receive her king:

Let every heart prepare him room,

And heaven and nature sing.

Joy to the earth, the Saviour reigns!

Let men their songs employ;

While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains,

Repeat the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make his blessing flow

Far as the curse is found.

wild things

"There are some who can live without wild things, and some who cannot."
- Aldo Leopold, naturalist


Last Sunday afternoon I got the urge to take a walk on our land. With Champ at my side (though not for long as he loves to run hither and yon, exploring) I headed down to a part of our land that we have chosen to let sit and return to its natural, or "wild" state. It is impossible to farm this piece of land during wet years on account of the fact that it used to be marshland. As I approached the northeast corner of this marshy area I noticed Champ barking almost hysterically into a clump of of brush and I knew that he had cornered some kind of animal. It was over the fence and into the neighbor's property so I couldn't see the animal. Usually it's a coon or a possum so I just called to Champ as I headed in an opposite direction down our property line. But shortly after calling out to him the barking turned into an all-out snarling and scuffle as this animal must have decided to make a break for it. By the time I turned to try and see who Champ had gotten into a fight with this time, the animal had run from Champ, crossed the drainage ditch and was proceeding up a tree on the opposite bank. That's when I finally saw that Champ had picked a fight with some kind of a wild cat. It had the exact same shape as a house cat, except it was two, maybe three times the size of a domesticated cat - roughly the size and weight of Champ himself. It had a solid, tawny color and I'm sure it must have had a long tail, not a bobbed one that a bobcat would have or that would have caught my attention. Later, as I was looking online for descriptions of wild cats, I came to the conclusion that this must have been a small cougar, most likely a female, or a juvenile. We have had more than one report of cougar sightings in our county within the past year, including paw prints along our own road about a mile away. When I told my partner at work he said there had been a report of a cougar sighting within the past week near his area. Information that I could glean from the internet said that cougar sightings have been on the increase in this part of the midwest, though there is no confirmation that these animals are actually settling into the area and having litters. It is still an open debate about whether the cougar is actually making a comeback to an area that has not been its habitat for over a hundred years. If that is in fact what is happening then I may be among one of the first to be an eyewitness to this phenomenon!
To some this is a scary, alarming development, especially if you raise smaller livestock such as sheep or goats. Cougars have been known to even attack horses and cows. Even though cougars rarely attack humans, it has happened, though it is usually in cases where human populations have impinged on cougar habitat to such an extent that the wild cats have gotten so familiar with humans that they have overcome their natural shyness.

Understandably, my wife is now fearful of taking walks by herself in the woods or the marshland. I guess because I am a male fear was not my response, but rather excitement - a strange, new kind of pleasure. I am not a hunter, and although I can understand why some hunt game for the purpose of eating it, I cannot appreciate hunting simply for pleasure. Hunting wild animals that are becoming too numerous and a genuine threat to our safety and livelihood is also understandable. But I think I am willing to allow cougars to make Illinois their home again if they so choose. A part of me thrills at the idea of living so close to such a large predator as a cougar. But such a reality would entail a greater soberness and carefulness that we are not familiar with. Carefree walks on the wilder parts of our land would become only a memory. The walks would definitely continue, but with increased vigilance and awareness. That may not be all bad.

I've been considering getting into the livestock business at some point, on a small scale. Knowing there could be an increasing danger of predators will figure into my decision whether or not to go ahead with those plans. All of a sudden life has become a bit more complex. Again, that may not be all bad. Complexity, biodiversity, is one of the goals of permaculture. Creator enjoyed making this world of ours full of incredible diversity, yet modern "development" continues to kill off His creations in favor of our own. Ironically, while we have assumed that our own creations have made life safer and more comfortable for us, in retrospect we are discovering that these creations of ours are, in fact, in danger of bringing about our own extinction.

This is not a simple or easy topic. But I'm more willing to take risks with Creator's "wild things" than with man's. There is a mystery and a wisdom there still waiting to be explored if one is willing to face the challenge and the risks. As Tumnus the faun said to Lucy at the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (in an attempt to explain Aslan) - "He is not a tame lion." Which Aslan would you rather get to know? The original, true Aslan, or a safer, tamer version?

The Spirit sent [Jesus] out into the wilderness, and he was in the desert forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals . . ."
Mark 1:12,13

everafter

I was struck by a thought recently that was not only a totally new thought, it was a whole new paradigm or way of looking at life. The thought was this: "I am planning to stay put, to live here the rest of my life!" Until we moved back to Illinois that had never crossed my mind as a possibility. My entire life has been one of moving from one location to another. In the 28 years of married life we have moved 5 times, and before that my parents' frequency of moving was probably close to the national average of once every 5 years. It had always seemed like an anomoly to have married someone who grew up in the same house that her father had grown up in. Such things just don't happen anymore, it's not the modern way. The controlling force in people's lives today is their work. Where can one go to get a "good job"? seems to be the no. 1 issue that keeps people on the move.
Personally, I had other reasons that kept me on the move, reasons related to trying to discover my core identity and "calling" in life. As my identity and calling become increasingly linked with the land, and as it became clear that we were being entrusted with a piece of land to be caretakers of, it was a simple, natural and straightforward move to step out of the fast track of modern life and commit to putting down roots in one place for the rest of our life. Not only is that a radical shift in how one relates to and thinks about the land, it can also lead to a radical difference in how one relates to the people and community that one is living in. My wife and I have been slow to find and commit to a church body in the area. But now that we have found one that we are comfortable with I am taking it with much more seriousness and a long-term perspective that I've never had before. It is a whole new perspective for me and it feels good, it feels right.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. . .
The righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever." (Psalm 37:3,29)

on being radical

The more I connect with the natural realm the more radical I feel myelf becoming. Now by radical I don't mean fanatical. I mean getting in touch with the root, or foundation, of things - the bottom line. This thought came to me as I was out in my garden picking beans - not the green beans that most people grow in their gardens, but the kind you leave on the vine until they're completely dried up and then you harvest them as dry beans (pinto, kidney, lima, etc.) that you can store and use throughout the winter. The only crops I had previously grown that could be stored for later use were winter squash (butternut, primarily) and potatoes. This year I tried my hand at corn and beans, letting them grow, mature and then dry on the stalk/vine until dry enough to harvest and store. As I was harvesting these crops this fall I thought, "Wow, so this is how it feels to actually grow the food that is going to sustain you throughout the winter. This is how people used to do it for thousands of years. This is what it means to be connected to the land. This is really radical!"

rad-i-cal, adj. 1. going to the root; fundamental; basic 2. favoring extreme social change or reform; extreme

Come to think of it, maybe I am a bit fanatical or extreme as well. I don't think it would be such a tragedy if our financial system totally collapsed and more people would be forced to grow their own corn and beans to survive. As I sat around the kitchen table, first joined by my 14 year old and then later by my 12 year old (and eventually by my wife and older son), all of us shelling the dry beans, I thought, "this is how our ancestors used to pass much of their time!" It might be a stretch to call it entertainment, but when you didn't have TV or the internet, or even radio, it did help you pass the time in a statisfying sort of way to sit around the table together with family and possibly neighbors, developing the fine art of conversation (which is fast becoming a lost art in our e-world of cyberspace) all the while contributing to a basic (radical) need of your (or your neighbor's) family.

One of my older sons made a very perceptive comment that ties in with all this. He said that when he has access to things like television and the internet he ends up watching or using it because it is so easy/accessible and it does bring a kind of immediate pleasure. But if he's in a situation (say, camping out in a remote place) where these things aren't an option he finds he doesn't even miss them. The reason, I believe, is because these electronic devices don't tap into the most basic, fundamental aspects of who we really are. If I had a choice between these electronic devices and shelling beans with my family and neighbors I wouldn't even have to hesitate to choose the face to face, hands on experience over the electronic option.

Am I just a hopeless old fogey refusing to face up to "future shock", to a world that's changing faster than I can adapt to it? Those whose lives are so inter-twined with the electronic media of the day would say I'm hopelessly stuck in the Middle Ages. Maybe there are true radicals out there in cyberspace as well - I'm sure there must be and I would like to meet them. All I know is that I prefer to stay close to the food production end of the spectrum (i.e. the land) because that's pretty basic to something called health and survival. I'll never forget something my grandpa Welch used to say: "When you get old there are only two things that really matter: health and family." He wasn't known to be a radical, but I would call that a radical statement.


p.s. I think I have discovered where the expression, "spilling the beans" or "don't spill the beans" comes from. As we were taking the dried beans out of their brittle shells or skins, every so often a bean of two would inadvertently pop out its shell and land on the floor or some unexpected spot (like down the neck of your shirt!). As hard as we tried it seemed like we couldn't avoid spilling at least a few beans in the process of shelling them. So have some compassion on those who just can't help "spilling the beans" - it really is hard not to!

one's niche

How does one know for sure that they have "found their niche" in life? Well, I think I have found one good way for determining that. Yesterday, when I got home from work I did what I usually do. I took off my shoes and went out into the garden to continue working at what I enjoy working at! But no sooner had I stepped out of the door than I felt a sharp stinging sensation on one of my toes. Knowing I had probably stepped on a bee feeding on one of the many clovers now in bloom I quickly shook it off. But I could feel the intensity of the sting was not abating so I took a look at that toe and sure enough, there was the bee stinger still stuck in my toe. Removing it alleviated the pain just slightly and, from past similar experiences I wasn't too concerned because I don't have any allergic reactions to insect stings. I debated whether to go inside and put some baking soda on it (one home remedy) but instead tried another remedy I'd heard of. Plucking the leaf of a plantain plant, which are as common as dandelions in most places, I chewed on it and stuck the wad of chewed plantain between the affected toe and its neighbor. The pain continued for about another 5-10 minutes, but then it quit altogether. One of my sons wasn't convinced that the plantain did the trick. He said his bee sting bites have felt better in that length of time anyway . . .

Anyway, I decided I needed to weed a part of the garden where the weeds were doing especially well (which I haven't minded up until now because those weeds included dandelion, plantain, lambsquarter and violets, all of which are quite edible and which I have been putting into our "green smoothies" every day). I was aware that part of the weed mix included a few stinging nettles but didn't think there were enough of them to bother getting gloves. So I proceeded to weed those nettles along with the other weeds, and sure enough, I felt the effects of those nettles on some of my fingers. But it wasn't that bad, certainly not as bad as the bee sting. Now the mosquitos, which also love lush vegetation, were a bit of a nuisance but I decided I'd put up with them in order to get the job done. I despise mosquito repellants almost more than the mosquitos and I've observed that as the spring and summer wears on my body must develop some sort of its own repellant because mosquitos bother me less and less. So I'll put up with their bites now and let nature take its course. I'm blessed to not have much of a reaction to mosquito bites, unlike others who can get good-sized welts from their bites.

Long story short, after sweating it out in the late afternoon sun and high humidity, fighting mosquitos, putting up with stinging nettle skin irritation and a bee sting, I could still report at suppertime that I had an enjoyable time in the garden. My oldest son's response was, "That's how you know what you're supposed to be doing with your life!" And I heartedly concurred. I knew I had truly found my niche.

barefoot holiness II

The following is an excerpt from Elizabeth Barrett Browning's poem, Aurora Leigh.

And truly, I reiterate, . . nothing's small!
No lily-muffled hum of a summer-bee,
But finds some coupling with the spinning stars;
No pebble at your foot, but proves a sphere;
No chaffinch, but implies the cherubim:
And,–glancing on my own thin, veined wrist,–
In such a little tremour of the blood
The whole strong clamour of a vehement soul
Doth utter itself distinct. Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God:
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it, and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware
More and more, from the first similitude.

Bk. VII, l. 812-826

barefoot holiness

Have you ever wondered why God told Moses at the burning bush that he needed to take off his sandals? The reason given was that he was on holy ground. But what does that mean? I haven't read commentaries on this but I do have some thoughts that have come to me since I have taken to gardening . . . barefoot.

One of the first clues I got that God and going barefoot might somehow be related was hearing from someone I highly respected who once commented that God told him that he needed to spend more time off of the concrete (that covers our metropolitan areas) in order to walk on the earth itself. While no mention was made of going barefoot, I put this together with the advice of another spiritual leader I respect who often travels overseas. He claims that if you take off your shoes and spend some time making skin to earth contact (what he actually suggested was to rub your bare feet around in the sand if you are near a beach) it will help to relieve jet lag. Both these comments suggest that the earth, the ground itself, has something to offer us in terms of our health or well-being. I wasn't really thinking about all this when I decided to go barefoot outside more, especially while working in the garden. It was primarily intuitive on my part - it somehow just felt better (once I got over the tenderfoot syndrome). But my anecdotal evidence for the virtue of going barefoot is based on more than just feelings. I've noticed that of my two persistent planters warts, one has completely disappeared and the other has been diminishing in size. Also, the toenail of my little toe on my left foot which has a fungus growing under it is showing signs of recovery as well. Where there used to be a solid mass under the nail, now that mass is like a honeycomb, as if the mass is beginning to dissolve! It looks like the time I tried to kill the fungus by soaking my foot in a vinegar solution. That did the trick too, but the fungus came right back when I quit the treatments. Now the fungus is on the retreat without my having to give it a second thought. All I have to do is to enjoy going barefoot!

We know that the earth was (and continues to be) definitely affected by mankind's sin. It does not produce fruit and vegetables as easily and effortlessly as it apparently did before the Fall. Nevertheless, the Scriptures say some remarkable things about the land. "If you defile the land, it will vomit you out as it vomited out the nations that were before you" (Lev. 18:28). Sounds like the land prefers holiness or righteousness over sin and evil! Even more amazing is that well known cry of the seraphim, "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory" (Isaiah 6:3)! As affected as the earth is by our sin it seems to have a capacity that we humans don't possess to contain God's glory. Not that we also can't become vehicles or containers for God's glory, but our propensities lie in the opposite direction (toward sin), while the earth or the land seems to more naturally lend itself to the glory of God.

The land, the ground we walk on, speaks to me of humility. To be humble is to always bear in mind that we are but dust. Pride is wanting to shake off the dust, to elevate oneself above and away from the dirt. Yet we are told that "the high and lofty One . . .who lives forever, whose name is holy" chooses to draw close, and live with, "him who is contrite and lowly in spirit." (Isaiah 57:15). This is what I call one of those "oxymoronic realities" of life. Two opposite realities that would not appear to fit together somehow coming together and being united. I've heard preachers talk about the "upside-down kingdom", how the way up to God is by going down (humbling oneself and taking up ones' cross). But the lost part of that message is that living closer to the earth (one example being, going barefoot whenever possible) is a very tangible and God-pleasing way to "walk humbly with your God." It may be uncomfortable at first - and yes, there are even dangers involved - but the longer you try it and stick with it you will discover that the benefits far outweigh the risks. Drawing closer to God is never an easy or painless process. But I'm convinced that the land has a vital role to play in that process, however you choose to connect with it (there are other ways to do this than by going barefoot :-). I freely admit we all have different callings and we aren't all called to live with dirt under our nails. But it sure doesn't hurt and I'm discovering it can actually help.

Increase your awareness - go barefoot!

a great privilege

Recently, as I was eagerly beginning to work again in the garden after the long, cold winter, I felt overwhelmed by the privilege of being married to a farmer's daughter. To be able to live on acres of land and to contribute to being a caretaker and "husband" of the land is truly a special honor that I don't take lightly and am learning to treasure more and more. My upbringing, which was typical of many American upbringings, saw gardening as a nice hobby with healthy side benefits. But with God's help I have come to see that working with the land is vastly more than a mere hobby or healthy past-time. In the Scriptures, the garden is not just the beginning point in God's relationship with man; throughout the Bible, references are made to Israel being a "vineyard", or God's people "the garden of His delight." It is a place of intimacy, where Jesus himself is called "the vine" and his father is the "vinedresser", and we are the "branches". The Bible ends with references to a tree (or trees) on both sides of the river that is flowing from the throne of God, which bears fruit continually and whose leaves provide healing for the nations. I believe these are more than just metaphors, but are representations of what actually will one day be a tangible reality. God created us as physical beings who are meant to partake of heaven and earth simultaneously. Our destiny is not heaven, but rather a "new earth" where the physical dimension will continue, only in a greater and more enhanced form.

So what's my point? I feel like a wealthy, incredibly blessed person to be able to live on a farm with acres and acres of land to manage. Only the enemy of our souls could invent a lie that says working with the soil is a dirty profession without any real dignity, best reserved for the lower classes. In my book, nothing could be further from the truth. The bulk of the greatest saints in Scripture lived very close to the earth. They were people who loved doing "dirty" things like tediously planting vineyards, helping a ewe out with a difficult birth, etc., etc. It was the exception, not the rule, for an occasional saint to be in what we would today call "white collar" work. But even those few "white collar" saints would have gotten those collars dirty because it was common for priests or scribes to still have their own garden and grow most of their own food.
It wasn't too terribly long ago when most Americans grew a lot of their own food too - at least those who lived in rural area. But nowadays it is an increasingly rare sight, even in the country, to see a large portion of people's yards devoted to raising food or growing herbs and flowers. Growing money has replaced growing gardens. This is a tragedy on so many levels, not the least of which, is our very relationship with God. Man invented making money, but only God could invent gardening. I would encourage you to rediscover - and keep rediscovering - our Creator's creation.

the next step

So, here we are, back in a rural setting - now what do we do? How do we begin to move forward and carry out this vision of combining the spiritual (our relationship with God) with the physical (relating to this earth in a more intentional and harmonious manner)? For Becky the answer to this question is very clear - "Build me a house!" Her mother's house that we are presently living in is on the small side and it is (and alway will be) after all, her mother's. As Becky's husband I have had to face up to my responsibility to give Becky a home that she will truly feel is hers. So I have accepted this challenge and together we are making plans. Originally Becky wanted a "cob" house (an earthen - clay, sand and straw - structure whose popularity is making a comeback in certain circles). My son Emlyn and I took a class to learn how to build a cob house several years ago. But one thing I learned at that class was that a cob structure requires an incredible amount of manual labor, so it would be very difficult to build the size of house we want out of cob. So, we switched gears and began to plan on making a straw bale house. These structures don't have the long history behind them that cob does, but they are still considered an excellent way to build a very well insulated home with natural, inexpensive materials. But then, within just the past couple of weeks, our thinking shifted again. Now we are seriously contemplating the remodeling of an old barn that seems to have a structurally sound foundation, framework and roof already in place. Once we get a professional assessment as to the actual soundness of this idea we should finally be in a position to roll up our sleeves and actually get to work. The barn idea gets us excited because we would end up with much more space than if we were to build from scratch. Also, we can still incorporate straw bale (and even some cob) into this structure, which is really important for Becky who wants the feel (if not appearance) of an old world, Alsatian, home.

Some of our children have asked, "Why do you need such a big house?" Besides just wanting to have a place that could hold all our family when they come to visit, we also envision our home being a place of hospitality, a place of refuge. When our vision was in its infancy we had begun searching for land to buy where we could begin "fleshing out" this dream. It was a frustrating search because our lack of funds was very limiting in what we could realistically consider. But at the same time we wanted to exercise faith to do what William Carey (pioneering missionary) advocated: "Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God." I do believe there is such a thing as a spirit of poverty that can control us with the thought, "Can I afford it?" But the
right question is, "What is God wanting us to do?" Once God's will or purposes for us are ascertained it then becomes a matter of faith to move forward and engage in the (yes, often frightening) adventure of seeing how He will enable what He has commanded. I will never forget a statement that an Old Testament professor of mine once made: "The commandments of God are His enablements - what He has commanded of us He will also enable."

So, yes, on the one hand I am rather intimidated with the idea of building, not just any home, but a large home that will encompass the "higher vision" we believe we are being called to. I never really wanted to start my own painting business, but by the grace of God I have now been painting on my own for 12 years. As God strengthened Abraham's faith by giving him bigger and bigger tests, so I see Him working similarly in me. I don't want to shy away from this newest test of faith, but rather want to embrace it and continue to grow in the ways Creator is wanting me to grow in. "The whole earth is full of His glory!" I believe we will have difficulty in seeing the fullness of God's glory in creation until we are willing to unite ourselves with Him in that actual creative process. It is a process that requires faith, and to have faith we must have ears to hear what Father is saying, and once we have heard, we must obey. This walk is not for the timid or faint of heart, but rather requires boldness and perseverance. Yet even when we are faithless, He remains faithful. It's all about Him, not us.
"Help us Father, to fully awaken to all that you are calling us, and all of your people, to walk in."

"permanent-culture"

Permaculture is a term coined by Australian Bill Mollison to define a new (yet also very old)endeavor that encompasses a wide variety of things from such academic disciplines as ecology and environmental science to very ancient wisdom pertaining to agriculture and living in harmony with nature. Three of my sons took a 10-day course on permaculture last Spring, thoroughly loved it, and then convinced me to do the same. So, several months later I was enrolled and took a similar course myself, and also thoroughly enjoyed it! On the one hand it felt overwhelming because permaculture is such a big topic covering such a wide range of ideas and information. That course was only an introduction, truly just a scratching of the surface. But it opened a door that I wish I could have walked through years ago and begun exploring at a much younger age. But here I am at 56, deciding to settle down in a rural setting and asking the question, "How do I combine my quest to know God, to draw closer to Him, with this other newer passion to have a closer connection with the land, with my Creator's handiwork?"

One of the things I so appreciate about permaculture is its inherent assumption that all of life is interrelated and interdependent. As Christians this shouldn't be a new concept, but I fear the Church has contributed to a disjointed view of our relationship to the physical world instead of promoting a harmonious one. Even though the apostles and the early church fathers rejected gnosticism (which taught that the physical world was evil) it is my observation that this earliest of Christian heresies has continued to plague the Church to the present day. Instead of celebrating and embracing this earth that Creator prepared for us to live in and be caretakers of, as Christians we have all too often been suspicious and wary of it. We will quote such Scriptures as "Set your minds on things above,not on earthly things" (Col.3:2) to support this mindset, yet ignore ones like Psalm 115:16 - "The heavens belong to the LORD, but the earth he has given to man." Fortunately there are some Christians - and I trust that this is a growing number - who have continued to affirm the inherent goodness and value of the physical creation. Personally, I would take it a step further. Not only is God's creation a good one, it is central and vitally important to the gospel itself. Just as ecology and permaculture, from a purely human perspective, affirm the "wholeness" of nature, so the Scriptures affirm the connection between the holiness of God and His creation: "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory!" And what can be more affirming of our physicalness than the incarnation itself - God himself took on our physical form! There is an incredible mystery here and it's no wonder that the earliest defenders of the faith fought tooth and nail to defend the truth of Christ's humanity. The whole movement in Scripture is from heaven to earth, not visa-versa: "I saw the Holy City, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven . . .'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them . . .'" (Rev.21:2-3) . . . we are looking forward to a new . . . earth, the home of righteousness. (2 Pet. 3:14)

Permaculture is the combination of the two (or three) words, "permanent (agri)culture". The modern originators of this concept were motivated out of a desire to find ways to integrate agriculture and human lifestyles with the very fabric of the natural world in such a way that the environment would be enhanced - and therefore maintained permanently -rather than degraded and destroyed. In this paradigm I have found the closest thing yet to explain and give definition to the developing vision I believe God is working within me.

clarifying the vision

Giving precise definition to this new vision has proved to be quite a challenge. I feel like the blind man, who, after Jesus's initial touch, saw people "like trees walking". As the healing process continues and I can see more clearly I'll let you know. But for now I have to say that it still feels like "seeing through a glass darkly." It feels very much like a pioneering process, trying to chart a course through unexplored territory. I believe this "territory" is, on the one hand, extremely vast and needing to be explored, yet on the other hand so familiar and simple that it should be as easy to recognize as the nose on our face.

What am I referring to? In the simplest language, my vision is to affirm and strengthen the connection between the physical and the spiritual (non-physical) aspects of life. One of the greatest weaknesses, I believe, of Western Christianity is its over-emphasis on the non-physical aspects of our faith. The history of the Church in the first few centuries reveals a Church that became increasingly Greco-Roman in its outlook. Much of that shift involved a jettisoning of its Hebraic roots which, by their very nature, were much more physical and literally connected to the land. More and more believers today are recognizing that this was a terrible mistake and needs correcting. But I am getting ahead of myself, so let me try to explain it more chronologically as these ideas actually began to unfold for me.

My initial awakening, if you will, to this vision that was forming within me happened when I did a word study in the Bible. I wanted to see what the Scriptures had to say about such things as "earth", "land", "countryside", etc. Just my choice of these words as a topic for Bible study obviously revealed something about me. But the more I looked at what the Bible had to say about these things the more fascinated I became. This was a huge topic in the Bible! But I had never heard any sermons or teachings on it, and the more I explored this theme the more convinced I became that there was something here that was critically important and was stirring up something deep within me. Also, a key reason for this direction that I was taking was the fact that I knew that this was a very important aspect of Becky's life. I knew that whatever vision I was developing needed to include Becky and what was vital in her life. The longer I was married to her the more aware I became that the land was part of the warp and woof of her very being. Her study of geneology has revealed to her that she comes from a long line of farmers, of country people who have lived and worked very close to the earth. My ancestry is different in that the outstanding element in my line is its involvement with the Church. For example, one of my Scottish ancestors was a mentor (to some degree anyway) to the great Scottish reformer, John Knox. But gardening must have been mixed in there somewhere because I had grandparents on both sides who loved gardening and I developed a similar interest rather young in life. But the spiritual emphasis in my background was by far the strongest factor and whatever interests there may have been in working with the land were certainly relegated to a much lower status.

So here I was: discovering that what I had viewed as being not much more than a hobby, according to the Scriptures, was actually at the very heart and core of the Biblical story and message. That was a revelation of epic proportions! It was like God was giving me permission - actually more than permission - I felt like I was virtually being commissioned to pursue doing something that deep down inside I really liked doing but was not considered (by the Christian community) "spiritual enough" to be considered a valid vocation for someone who wanted to "serve God" or be involved in "full-time Christian ministry".

As I tried to describe my newfound vision or "calling" to others I was usually greeted with a blank look that said, "I don't have a clue what you're talking about, but I'm glad you've discovered what you want to do." Occasionally we'd run in to individuals who "got it" and showed genuine enthusiasm, but they were few and far between. The leader in the church we were in who had challenged me to clarify my vision, had virtually no comment or further helpful suggestions when he heard what I had come up with. That was my first clue that this church was not going to help me realize my new goal in life. I'm sure there are churches out there that have a better grasp of this vision than I have. But I am done with pursuing other people's churches or ministries. God has placed us where He has (back on Becky's family's farm) and I believe He has a purpose for us right here in the middle of the corn and bean fields of Illinois. Maybe the best single word to describe that purpose would be "permaculture". But I will explain what I mean by that in my next posting.

new beginnings

We arrived in the Southeast with eight children. Eight, we were told, was the Biblical, numerical symbol for new beginnings. Sounded good to us! One of the things SMF is most known for is its validation of the prophetic, i.e the present-day speaking of God. The first "word" that I got there, before I had even started the school, was something to the effect that God had some "adjustments" to make in my life and that it would look like others are passing me by. Immediately I understood this to mean that I was not to attend the school, which in many ways was a relief. It really didn't make sense to try to go to school while trying to work full-time and support a family with eight children. I figured that just being able to be a part of SMF's church would probably be almost as good as going to their school, especially since it was their philosophy to integrate the school and church very closely together. Another adjustment I made at that time was the decision to strike out on my own as a house painter and work for myself instead of for someone else as I was used to doing. I'm not an entrepeneur, but with the encouragment of a friend who was able to give me a lot of painting work to get started, I took the bold step . . . and have been so happy, ever since, that I did!

Another example of God's goodness and faithfulness to us at this time was the home that we were able to purchase in a town outside of the immediate suburbs of the city where SMF was located. Instead of having to rent (like we assumed we would have to do), we were able to invest and see that investment grow over the 10 years we ended up living there.

SMF proved to at least partially fulfill the hopes that I had for going there, though again, there were some unexpected twist and turns along the way. As I said, I didn't go to the school as I had planned. But a few years into our SMF experience I had a significant, turningpoint kind of a conversation with one of the leaders of the church. In this conversation I was challenged to discover for myself what exactly it was that God was calling me to do with my life. Did I know why God had put me on this earth, what my purpose was in life? Becky had indicated from time to time that she wished we had a clearer goal to shoot for. But not being a "goal-oriented" type of guy, I never got around to clarifying any goals. But here I was, being challenged to do just that, and I decided to take up that challenge. I spent the next couple of weeks praying, reflecting and searching the Scriptures looking for some kind of illumination on this subject - and guess what? I found it! But I will leave the explanation of what I found to the next blog.

We quit attending SMF after about 8 1/2 years, not because we had any real disagreements with them but because we found ourselves headed in a new direction that they were not able to help us move towards. It was outside of what they were familiar with, so we had to strike out on our own. Besides continuing to clarify our own new goal and vision, a couple of other things were happening that were drawing us away from SMF. One was the discovery of a Hebraic roots (some would call it "Messianic") fellowship where we could not only learn about our Jewish heritage as believers in Yeshua (Jesus) but where we could actually participate in Hebraic dance and celebrate the feasts of the Lord (e.g. Passover, Pentecost, etc.). Also, we were being drawn to making connections with Native American believers who, interestingly enough, were also wanting to explore and connect with the Hebraic roots of their faith. Neither of these new directions actually provided a "church" for our family to be a part of, so we entered into a (not totally comfortable) place of being "churchless". But in some very significat ways I believe we were experiencing at least some aspects of what "church" is really supposed to be, at least according to my developing point of view.

So our experience at SMF came and went. It definitely changed us for the good in more than one way, and it was there that I finally clarified a "vision" for my life. But, more importantly, it clarified a vision for both Becky and me, together.

the good, the bad, and the . . .

Life in the country was a challenge financially but our entire family thoroughly enjoyed rural living. Most of our children look back to those days with much fondness. Our daughter Kate especially enjoyed playing outdoors in an old chicken "brooder" house, often with her best friend, pretending they were Mary and Laura Ingalls of "Little House on the Prairie". We were living a few miles from the farm where Becky grew up and where her parents as well as her brother's family were still living and farming. After visiting and being a part of two different churches in the area we ended up joining with two other families to form a house church. I had become good friends with the fellow who was initiating the church, having participated with him in a variety of home gatherings and prayer groups. He was a very zealous and dynamic kind of guy who, though younger than me, I was drawn to because of his spiritual drive. I saw him as a real kindred spirit in my own quest to draw closer to God. His daughter became close friends with our eldest daughter, and one of our boys was also good friends with his son. The other family who joined with us in forming the house church were new neighbors, living only a stone's throw away. They moved from the same college and suburb that we had moved from and we found we had similar homesteading-type interests.

Things went along fine for a while in this house church. A fourth family joined with us and we were enjoying this new-found freedom of worshipping with others of like mind in the context of a home where we could share a meal together after the meeting and where the children had plenty of room to safely roam and play. But things took an unexpected turn when I began to take a serious interest in reading some books by someone that M. (the house church leader who I, by then, considered by best friend) had reservations about. M. and I exchanged some letters where we laid out more clearly what our thoughts were. When that didn't resolve things, M. called a meeting where he asked the leaders of another church that he respected to be present. At that meeting I was basically quizzed about the books I was reading and, at the end, was strongly encouraged to stick to the Scriptures as the only true and authoritative guide for life, which I was more than happy to be in agreement with. But, because I didn't see any contradiction between the teaching in these books and the Scriptures, I didn't change my own thoughts, and M. felt it necessary to make a break with me since he could not accept the validity of this teaching. As he put it, he saw us walking down separate paths, paths that would only increasingly move further and further apart, so he felt the need to make a clean break "for the sake of our children" (who were best friends!). The longer we waited to make the break the harder it would be, was his line of reasoning. I remember saying to his face at some point in this process (I don't remember the exact context) that I felt like he was stabbing me in the back. It felt so much like betrayal and treachery, certainly the most wrenching experience I had ever (up till then and since) had. K. was the most devastated of our family since she was so close to M.'s daughter. It would be many years before that wound was no longer a tender spot in her soul. Also, our new neighbors took the same position as M., and all of a sudden it was like an invisible concrete wall had sprung up between our homes. No more contact, no more nothing. I had heard and read about shunning. Now I and my family were experiencing it.

Within a couple years we had picked up stakes and moved to the Southeast where I planned to attend the SMF school of ministry. J.R., whose books had created this rift between M. and me, had a church and school and I decided that that was what I wanted to help me in my pursuit of God. One of J.R.'s books had been instrumental in helping me make sense of this horrendous experience I had just gone through with my family. Would SMF be the help I needed to discover a "ministry" that I could devote myself to as a life's vocation or "calling"? I was sure hoping so.

beginning a less traveled road

As I reflect on those years following my graduation from college (the decade of my 20's), and as I look at them from the perspective and benefit of the bigger picture (of my entire 56 years), I must conclude that there was an even more momentous event that took place at that time. I've already referred to it in passing and am actually ashamed that I glossed over it so quickly. At the time I didn't recognize it as that momentous, but over the years I have come to see how truly providential this event really was. I am referring to my marriage to Becky.

It took me awhile (2 1/2 years after meeting her) to see what Becky had to offer that I really wanted in a wife. Up until getting to know her I had assumed I would marry someone from a similar church background as myself. Not that Becky's church background was too terribly different than mine, but there were enough differences that for someone like myself who placed spirituality at the top of my list of priorities, this was no small thing. But as I got to know her over time I eventually saw that she had something that, to me, was the most important quality of all. She had the same heartfelt desire to know the truth - to be real, to be a person of integrity, that I was struggling to be. I was defining this inner drive in terms of wanting to "know God". Becky didn't necessarily have words or concepts to define her innermost desires, but I would call what most attracted me to her as "simple, uncomplicated integrity". Even though she had been walking a path that was in some ways quite different than mine, I came to the conclusion that at the core of our beings, we were actually walking very similar, though parallel, paths.

So, we decided to join our paths, and that decision has indeed "made all the difference" in terms of the direction that it would take me(us) in. But the "difference" took awhile to become self-evident. At first, Becky had her hands full learning to be a mom of an ever-expanding family, not to mention being married to this college graduate who had no clue what he really wanted in life yet who had these lofty spiritual ideals. It would take about 20 years for me to begin to realize the deep impact this quiet, country girl was having on my life. But I'm not at that point in this story yet. I just want to alert you to the fact that marrying Becky really was a singularly important event in those post-college years.

After marrying and having four children some things transpired to move us from the suburbs to the country. The churches I had tried to sink my roots into were literally dissolving apart around me (I was drawn to pioneering-types which, as it turned out, didn't have much staying power), I was not making any progress vocation-wise and Becky's and my best friends were all moving out of town. Becky had run across a book in the local health-food store entitled BACK TO THE LAND, and this stirred up in her the desire to return to her roots in the country. At this time in my life people were the most important element in my life. I wanted to live close to good churches and good friends. But, as I said, the ones I was involved with were dispersing, and when Becky expressed the desire to move to the country my response was, "there's nothing holding us here anymore." So, we ended up on a 4-acre "farmette", thinking this was where we could settle and raise our growing family. Little did we know that this quiet, pastoral setting would be the place where our young family would experience the most shattering experience of our life together.

my earliest awakenings

Having been raised in a stream or branch of the Church that strongly emphasized the importance of having a "personal relationship with the Lord", I was very sensitive to the fact that my "salvation experience" was not very well defined or emotionally impacting. My parents wish they had done a better job in helping me with this decision; but be that as it may, the only thing that I can point to as my time of decision to "invite Jesus into my life (as Lord and Saviour)" was a time when I was alone in my room (somewhere around early adolescence - don't have a specific date for it) and I decided it was time to do business with God. I had been taught well what the requirements were to "be saved", so, wanting to enter in to the salvation that was offerred me in Jesus, I prayed the sinner's prayer and accepted Jesus as my Saviour. Not too many years later, knowing that I would soon be returning to the United States, I decided that I wanted to be baptized in the country that I had been raised in and felt like home. I especially wanted to be baptized outdoors in a stream (typical for small, rural churches in Latinamerica) instead of indoors in a church building. So I was baptized by my Dad, along with a handful of other Hondurans, in a "pozo" (dammed up pool in a stream) not far from where our church was on the edge of town.

These were the most significant events of my early spiritual pilgrimmage. But what is outstanding to me about these two decisions was that I did them virtually out of a sense of duty. I was taught that this was the right thing to do, I believed it, so I did it. There was not much emotion involved or any significant change that took place, inwardly or outwardly, that I was cognizant of. Life went on as it always had.
Please understand that I am trying to relate my experience as straighforwardly and objectively
as possible without dressing it up with "spiritual" explanations or commentary. I also don't want to over-evaluate or get too introspective about it all. I want to tell my story as simply as I know how.

What I see as significant about my high-school years was that I was exposed to what was called the "Jesus Movement" in California. This had all the marks of a genuine move of God and it was exciting to see some of it first hand, up close. I don't doubt that the encounters I had with these hippies who had left "free sex" and drugs in order to get "turned on to Jesus", left an impact on me and contributed significantly to whatever initial hunger for God that was stirring within me.
Another sign of the spiritual "stirrings" going on within me at this time was my involvement with a student-led Bible study on campus.

Not having a clear vocational direction to move towards after high school, I opted for a Christian liberal arts college that had a good soccer program (it also happened to be the college both of my parents attended). My choice of Biblical Studies for a major simply reflected what I was most interested in studying, but I graduated with no more clarity as to what I wanted to do with the rest of my life than when I started college. All I knew was that I had a desire to be involved in "full-time Christian ministry", but didn't have a clue how to bring more focus to it than that. I do know that I was dissatified with what I had seen and experienced to date in regards to "Christian ministry" and that I felt very much like a "seeker" instead of someone who was ready to go out and help others get it together spiritually. After groping around for direction I finally took the plunge and applied to (and got accepted at) a graduate program at the University of Maryland in Adult Non-Formal Education. This would have set me on a course toward working in the sphere of third world development which I thought I would be cut out for because of my having grown up in a third world country.

But then something happened that changed the course of my life forever. I still remember the restaurant where I ate a meal with my best friend and his best friend. We spent our time in deep, heart-felt conversation about spiritual things, things pertaining to God and our relationship with Him. It was such a rich time! That very night it dawned on me that there was only one thing that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to devote the rest of my life to knowing God and making him known. If I were of a spiritual tradition that believed in monasticism I probably would have become a monk. But one thing I knew for sure: I could not follow through with my plans for graduate school. I knew I was letting some people down by dropping out, but it was a relief to do so. My truest desires had come to the surface and I knew I had to follow them and not give in to societal pressures to have a career path to show for myself.

The result of this discovery and my choosing to "follow my heart" was . . . depression and more confusion. It was not a fun time. My favorite professor from college felt like I was throwing away what I had gained from my education. What was a college graduate with a Bachelors' degree to do? How about working a night shift at a UPS loading dock, for starters? I did that for eight years and during that time I got married and started a family. By then one thing had become quite clear to me. Whatever "ministry" God might have in mind for me, I decided that the best way to prepare for it would be in the real, work-a-day world. Looking back now, almost 30 years later, I have no regrets. I see that God indeed used the "school of hard knocks" to prepare me for what lay, and still lies, ahead.

Next, I'll cover some more unexpected twists and turns as I was seeking to be faithful to my heart's desire, to know God.

Awakening to the journey

For quite awhile now, I have had a keen sense that I am on a journey and I am not alone. The longer I'm on this path the more I am appreciating how adventurous and dynamic this process really is. I'm convinced that everyone has a unique and remarkable story to tell but few seem to be aware of how unique or remarkable it really is. Some might say that because I got to grow up in a foreign country, raised by missionary parents, that this has given me an extra bonus toward seeing my life as unique in some way. Maybe, maybe not. For the most part, though, my life has been pretty average (or below average from an economic standpoint!). As I see it, if there is anything that stands out to me about myself, it is that I have had a hunger to know God my entire life. If I had been raised in an atheist or nonreligious family I'm not sure how this hunger would have manifested. But because I was raised in a well churched setting my hunger to embrace the ultimate issues of life became focused on wanting to "know God". This strong, overarching desire has been to me the guiding light on my journey. Every major decision I've made has been directly influenced by this inward drive.

I would like to take a new direction with this blog. It's possible that I might start a whole new blog altogether, devoted to this new theme. I don't know yet. The two themes are definitely connected so I may just continue with this blog, we'll see. But the new theme would be entitled something like "A God Quest - One Person's Search for God and Meaning". I would like this blog to now become a record of both my past, and present, quest to know God - not in a theoretical or theological sense, but in a very nitty-gritty, down-to-earth sense. What has come to make life so fascinating to me is being able to view it as a creative work of the Master, in process. My all-time favorite saying of Jesus is, "I only do what I see my Father doing". Sometimes I feel like I can stand back, look at what's been happening in my life and say, "Wow, isn't that cool - God is really doing something neat!" Unfortunately, most of what I see God doing is through hindsight, but I hope I can improve and become more like Jesus in recognizing the present activity of God. That is my goal. Like the great saints of old my desire is to simply "walk with God". Would you like to join me in that walk? I'd love to hear your stories as well! What greater adventure can there be than to walk with the Master of the universe! Go for it! Nothing will be harder or more challenging. But if my short life has taught me anything, it is that it will be well worth it.