This morning I was really bummed out. I knew it was going to get well below freezing. Depending on the source, forecasts were calling the overnight low to be anywhere from 25 to 28 degrees. I knew my cold hardy seedlings could survive fine under the cover I pull over them, but I didn't have enough cover to cover my cilantro. I figured they could survive upper 20's without a cover, so I didn't bother to cover them, thinking that chances are it wouldn't get quite as cold as 25. Well it did, and I felt sick that I hadn't covered them with plastic or something (which I easily could have but felt too tired to bother). We love cilantro on our salads and here I had gone and blown it by not taking necessary precautions. Bum-m-m-m-e-e-e-r-r-r!!!!!!
My thoughts and feelings quickly devolved into depression and feeling sorry for myself. Why does it have to be so hard to grow some early veggies?! And this is just the last in a series of failures regarding various attempts I have made on the farm to expand my gardening horizons. From an attempt at edible forest gardening, to starting a large asparagus patch, to greenhouse/hoophouse gardening, to composting, etc., my efforts have either been total failures or only meager success at best. And this is not even mentioning much more serious issues having to do with personal relationships that to date continue to be so resistant to significant improvement. God, where are you?! You tell me to come before the throne of grace and mercy to find help in the time of need . . . to draw near to You, yet I have not felt much reciprocation from Your end when I've done my best to do my part. What's up?!
Amazingly, the depression that I started the day with dissipated during the day, and even though it wasn't the best day at work, I came home feeling okay. I took a look at what I feared would be browning (dying) cilantro and was overjoyed to see that they still looked a healthy green. They had survived!
At one point this morning I thought I would write a blog entitled "the severity of God". In Romans 11:22 Paul tells us to "consider the kindness and severity of God." It seems to be a pet peeve of mine that Christians love to hear about the kindness of God, but not His severity, Unfortunately I seem to be drawn more to understanding and emphasizing His severity. Can you believe that the book I chose to read on our honeymoon (or shortly thereafter) was A SEVERE MERCY? It's a great (true) story, but definitely not one for honeymoon reading! Early in our marriage I came up with the phrase "T T time" (Tribulation Training time) as a way to give meaning to any hard times we were having.
My wife was a good sport about these things, but years later I've finally realized that she needed much more of the "kindness of God" taught and exhibited to her. Paul commands us to consider both
the kindness and the severity of God. (Notice that he places the kindness of God ahead of severity.)
Having said all that one still has to come to terms with the difficulties of life that don't want to let up, My wife and I feel that our married life so far is very well summed up in the proverb, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Fortunately, there is more to that proverb. "but a promise fulfilled is a tree of life." I leave you with that. As the black preacher said who preached his Good Friday sermon by repeating just one sentence over and over again with varying degrees of emotion and intonation: "Tod-a-a-a-y is Friday; but Sund-a-a-a-y is a-comin!"
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