knife's edge

At the close of a permaculture class I went to a few years ago we had a gift exchange where we explained to the person who got your gift why we had chosen that gift to give away. I had given away a knife and my explanation was that the path of life was very narrow - like a knife's edge - and the only way we can stay on the path is to have a love for the truth that will keep our eyes always on what is true. I had gotten this thought from Rick Joyner's book, THE CALL, where he relates a prophetic encounter with Jesus where Jesus tells him that the path of life is a narrow one that has deep ditches on both sides of it. He told Rick that he had spent too much time in one or the other of the ditches and it was now time to learn how to stay out of the ditches and on the path. The only way to stay on the path, Jesus told him, was by keeping his eyes on Him.

The other day I heard a piece on National Public Radio describing the life and work of a photo journalist who had recently been killed, I believe in the Libyan uprising. In an interview done before his death this journalist was asked how he could do his work in such dangerous settings (he had a reputation for doing his work in some of the most dangerous "hotspots" around the world). His answer was that as long as he kept his eyes looking through the lens of his camara, i.e. on doing his job, he wasn't overcome or paralyzed by fear. This, to me, was another way of saying what Jesus said to Rick. Like Peter walking on the water in the middle of a storm on the lake, as soon as we take our eyes off Jesus and begin to look at the wind and the waves, we're sunk!

I have just begun a new job that I am convinced is a gift from God. The odd thing about it is that it involves operating farm machinery, which I do not have a good track record with. Years ago I had worked on my brother-in-law's farm and had had a couple accidents which convinced me I was not cut out to work with heavy machinery. But now, here I am, in a job I'm convinced I'm supposed to have, doing the very thing I thought I was supposed to avoid!

The second day on the job a semi-truck was needing to be loaded with a product that was going to be applied on a field down the road. My supervisor had to be away at the time and it was up to me and another fellow to do the loading. Well, even though it's not that complicated to operate a front-end loader, because I was still becoming familiar with the machine I was not exactly smooth in my operation. It was not long before I banged the side of the dump part of the truck and got yelled at by the truck driver. Fortunately God gave me the wisdom to just park the loader then and there and let the other fellow do the rest of the loading. As it turned out, the truck driver knew how to operate the loader so he ended up helping to load his own truck, which he seemed happy to do!

At the time all this was happening I was getting confused as to why this wonderful job that God had provided was putting me in situations that I didn't think I should be in. I was learning an important lesson that I needed to learn: to admit - and to stop! - when I was not comfortable operating a machine (as a guy, it's tempting to do the macho thing and think, "oh, I can do this!"). But as I've continued to reflect on the situation I'm seeing something even more important.

It is my growing conviction that we are entering a time of ever-increasing peril and danger, on every level. The Scriptures warn us very clearly about this time. In Hebrews we are told that everything that can be shaken will be shaken, so that only what has its foundation in God will be left standing. Jesus put it about as bluntly as he could when he told his disciples that without him they could do nothing. I am now beginning every day with a prayer that says, in essence, "Daddy, help me! Give me the wisdom to work safely and not do anything stupid!" I find great peace in knowing that he hears and honors such prayers, for he has promised to give grace to the humble, but to oppose the proud.

Maybe it's an overstatement to say that the path of life is as narrow as a knife's edge. But maybe not. Jesus did seem to set ridiculously high standards ("Be perfect as your Father in heaven is perfect", or, "Take up your cross daily and follow me"). But maybe the whole intent of his perfect standard is to get us to fall on that knife's edge, have it slice through our soul and spirit, in order to expose every thought and intent of the heart. Somewhere in the Psalms I know that there is a promise for those who hang in there with God, that He will bring them out into a "broad place". Now that would be a nice place.

on being repellent

Anyone who works with potting soil long enough will sooner or later discover an amazing phenomena. I had learned of this early in my gardening experience but had not quite grasped it sufficiently because I recently made the classic mistake a beginning gardener would make who is ignorant of this problem. What I am referring to is the problem of soil that is so dry that it actually repels water instead of absorbing it. How crazy is that! Just a few days ago I bought a bag of really nice, "seed starter" potting soil. I like to get an early jump on growing vegetables, so I start seedlings in the middle of the winter in the basement, under grow lights. So here I was, with this potting soil that was half frozen from sitting outside at the local garden center, and I was pouring it into the "flat" where I'd be growing the seedlings. As I was breaking up the frozen lumps and smoothing out the surface of the flat the thought briefly flashed through my mind, "I wonder if this soil needs to be "wetted" first. In other words, I was aware that dry soil should really be thoroughly mixed together with some water before being put in the flat; otherwise, when you sprinkle water on it, the water will literally run off the surface and not properly penetrate below the surface. I think because this soil was so cold it felt like it had moisture in it (moist things feel cooler, right?), so I didn't bother to go through the wetting process (which involves putting the soil in a bucket, adding water, and manually combining the two together until you can feel that the soil has had the moisture evenly dispersed and absorbed into it).

Well, the short of it is, it took me 3 days to finally get water to properly penetrate into that seedbed! It was a mess - I've never had such a problem before (well, I have, but I felt like a complete novice who had to learn his lesson all over again)! In the process of trying to get water to penetrate from the surface down I totally messed up the (very small and hard to see) seeds which were planted close to the surface, undoubtedly sloshing some of them over the side with the water that was only pooling on the surface and refusing to soak into the soil.

Why this attempt to describe one gardener's struggle with potting soil? Because I see in it such an amazing picture of what must happen within the human soul - within my own heart - when there has been such a lack of moisture. When the moisture comes that we really need, we end up pushing it away. The very thing we need we are unable to absorb. Can you think of a worse tragedy then this? Yet I believe this is precisely the condition that I find myself in (and I suspect I'm not alone in this) . I was given a prophetic word years ago which said that my heart was like the gates of Jericho just before the Israelites conquered it - shut up tight. Ouch! Fortunately that word went on to give me hope that this condition would change, but I've pondered on the meaning of it for a long time. Frankly, it's been a mystery to me that I've struggled to understand. But this simple illustration from my gardening experience offers a clue to understanding and beginning to unravel this mystery.

Another clue to solving this riddle comes in the form of a sonnet by John Donne.

HOLY SONNETS.

XIV.

Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

---

Source:
Donne, John. Poems of John Donne. vol I.
E. K. Chambers, ed.
London: Lawrence & Bullen, 1896. 165.